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Dec 10 2012

Sex After Baby: Myths vs. Facts

By at 12:52 pm

do not disturb sign on doorI wrote a comment on a Kveller link saying, partially in jest, that infants are “love-killlers”–and proceeded to get killed, myself.

Out came the sanctimony. “Jordana, what an awful thing to say,” one person wrote in response. “Love dies after kids because you let it…. or because the love wasn’t there in the first place.”  ”XXX, I’m with you!,” another commenter chimed in. “If infants are ‘love-killers’, then the parents were never in love; they had fallen ‘in lust’!”

“Umm Jordana….I don’t know about you but I love my husband more than I ever did since we had our children,” another chimed in. Read the rest of this entry →

Dec 5 2012

How My Toddler’s Adjusting to Life With Two

By at 9:55 am

My toddler is slowly but surely adjusting to his new baby brother. I try hard to foresee battles before they ensue and we’re slowly getting back to our old dynamic. I’m getting used to taking two kids everywhere and I’ve realized that a fully capable toddler and I did just “run in” to stores where as a toddler, newborn and I take HOURS to simply leave the house in one piece. There is no “running in.”

At our baby’s 1 month visit, my toddler also had his 30 month appointment. My husband was with me and it was easier to just do both at the same time. Our toddler loved all of the attention he got and admittedly two minutes of the appointment was spent examining the baby and 45 minutes was spent discussing Big Brother’s adjustment. Read the rest of this entry →

Nov 29 2012

Advice for Life With a Second Kid: You Gotta Laugh

By at 2:53 pm
spilled milk

Don’t cry. Laugh.

Earlier this week our editor Debbie Kolben asked for some advice going from having one kid to two. Carla and Tamara already offered some sage wisdom, and now Jordana joins in.

Ah, going from one kid to two, Debbie. I remember those days well. I remember looking at the new baby and thinking, “Who the hell are you, oh breast-sucking thing that takes me away from my other son?” I remember my older child, at all of 18 months old, very symbolically taking out his agita at the new brother-situation by cracking an egg in every room of the house while I nursed the baby. I remember the baby nurse, when she left, telling me that I should divorce my husband. Yes, this was overstepping the bounds of the usual “how to bathe the baby” provenance of the baby nurse. Since she ended up being right, though, we’ll forgive her the undiplomatic directness. Read the rest of this entry →

Nov 27 2012

10 Tips for Life With Two Kids

By at 9:20 am

In response to Debbie’s plea for help yesterday in dealing with her daughter’s adjustment to being a big sister, Carla has some sage words of advice.

Oh Debbie.

I was just trying to find the email I sent out a couple of years ago to all of my Mama friends with two kids–it was remarkably similar to yours. I’m certainly no expert, but now that my baby is almost 2 1/2, I’m a bit farther away from the shitshow that was our life for almost a year. (We’re still a mess on a far-too-regular basis, but it is SO much easier now.)

As you read this, keep in mind that my big girl was only 20 months old when the baby was born, and that she fractured her leg the day before I was due to give birth. Little sister was kind enough to show up five days late, which gave us some time to figure out life with a toddler in a hip-to-toe cast. So, if I seem a bit bitter or traumatized, well, I guess I was. But we’re better now. Read the rest of this entry →

Nov 26 2012

How Can I Help My Daughter Cope With Our New Baby?

By at 12:52 pm

mika and romiDear Kveller Readers,

As many of you know, two weeks ago today I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She did us the favor of waiting out both Hurricane Sandy and the presidential election. And so far during her short life on the outside she has continued to exhibit considerate behavior—sleeping long stretches, eating well, and making adorable faces.

Now, her 3-year-old sister is a different story. Last night I had a dream that bandits had kidnapped my older child and I was forced to negotiate her release in a produce market in South America from a guy selling mangoes. Not the most subtle dream I’ve ever had. Yes, it does feel like somebody has taken my sweet child who used to make me smile and laugh and replaced her with a child I don’t know, one who reduces me to a pile of tears.

So, I’m turning to you dear readers and writers to offer some advice. How oh how do we get through these first weeks? How do I help my 3-year-old understand that just because we have another baby we don’t love her any less? How do we help her understand all those big emotions?

And with that, I turn it over to you. We’re devoting this week to life with two (or more) and how to cope. Looking forward to advice from all you wise women and men.

Debbie

Kveller Editor

Nov 15 2012

Should My 8-Month-Old Already Be Competing?

By at 9:40 am

As he toweled off, my husband asked me, “How old do you think the youngest Floater ever was?”

My 8-month-old son, Carston, had just completed his first swim lesson as part of the Lenny Krayzelburg Swim Academy (LKSA) at the JCC in Newton, Massachusetts. LKSA is a seven-level swimming program designed to teach kids to swim safely; it begins at level one, Splasher, continues on to Floater, then Kickers, and eventually ends with Flyers.

I’d been motivated to sign my little splasher up for safety reasons and, honestly, because I’d heard kids nap better after they swim. My husband, on the other hand, was ready for our son to become the next Michael Phelps—or more appropriately, Mark Spitz.  Read the rest of this entry →

Nov 13 2012

Behind the Scenes of My Daughter’s Baby Naming

By at 1:04 pm

baby naming ceremony at synagogueTime flies! It’s hard to believe I have a 3-month-old baby and will be heading back to work after the Thanksgiving holiday (boo!). Since she wasn’t a boy, we weren’t rushed to have a bris, but I always knew I wanted a Baby Naming Ceremony. I have been to many ceremonies, usually just a small moment in a Shabbat service, and never really thought too much about it, until it was my baby.

Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 29 2012

News Roundup: Straight Talk About Vaginal Birth Risks, Middle School, and Breaking the Breast Milk Bank

By at 8:39 pm

All the parenting news you probably didn’t have time to read this week.


Here’s a yucky but important topic: vaginal tears that result from vaginal childbirth. Turns out they may be a lot more widespread than most doctors know or admit, and can cause fecal matter through the vagina, flatus incontinence, and pain. Learn more so you can talk about it with your doctor ahead of time. (Motherlode)

Pretty much everyone agrees that middle school is the worst. But no one is really trying to make it better. Now researchers are discovering that helping middle schoolers have a better time predicts whether or not they’ll stay in school, and how successful they’ll be. (Slate)

As a mom you’re probably taking pictures of your kids and family all the time. But how often do you get in front of the camera yourself? One mom reminds us that someday when we’re gone our kids will want pictures of us, and we shouldn’t be erasing ourselves from our family’s photographic history. (Huffington Post)

A mom in Texas made it to the Guinness book of world records for donating a whopping 87 gallons of breast milk to her local breast milk bank. (NY Daily News)

A 3 A.M. Hospital Visit for my 3-Day-Old Daughter

By at 12:05 pm

“There’s something wrong with the baby.”

Those are the words you never want to hear about your 3-day old daughter. You certainly don’t want to hear them at 3 a.m. It was barely 12 hours since we had brought our baby girl home from the hospital for the first time. I sat up in bed, squinting at the baby nurse holding my newest little girl. The hall light shone behind her, blinding me as I wondered if she had really said what I thought she had said, or if this was some sort of bad dream. Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 26 2012

Why Do I Hate American Girl Dolls?

By at 9:47 am

It’s actually not that bad. In fact, it’s not bad at all. Yet it’s driving me nuts.

I’m talking about my daughters’ obsession with American Girl Dolls, and my reluctant complicity in all of it.

My older daughter is turning 4 this week, and she has spent a shocking amount of time recently paging through the catalogue (how the hell did we end up on that mailing list?), pondering the possibilities and repeatedly coming back to the baby–the baby in the blue ballerina dress. That’s definitely the one, according to both of my girls. Read the rest of this entry →

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