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Mar 13 2012

JDILFS (Jewish Dads I’d Like To…)

By at 12:12 pm

A while back, Susie Felber brought us the Top 20 Stylish Jewish Moms in History, and admire them we did. Now, in honor of Dude Week, we are very pleased to present to you Susie’s new collection of stylish Jewish dads, also known as JDILFs. Enjoy!

1. Roman Abramovich

roman abramovichThis Russian mega billionaire has got six kids, a 40-person security team, a yacht with a missile detection system and he’s single! Did I mention the yacht also has a laser shield? Now I did! Yeah I’m using a lot of exclamation points because he’s the #1 JDILF bad boy, what with arrests and allegations as long as his lovely long arms. Hells bells–his eyes are the color of whatever sea he’s sailing on. Who wouldn’t want to take a Roman holiday with this smoking hot real-life Bond super villian? Rowr!

2. Mike D

mike d beastie boysBeastie Boys. Genius. Two kids. Supports his director wife’s cooking for kids show. Debated semantics of Illin’ on Stephen Colbert recently. No debate about how hot he is.

3. Sacha Baron Cohen

sacha baron cohenThis dad is like way too sexy for a comedian, yet he is hilarious. He’s married to an actress who made the most stylish Jewish mommies in history list. I’m not saying I want a three-way with them, I’m implying it.

4. Gabriel Brownstein

gabriel brownstein This Brooklyn writer and father of two is an assistant professor in the English department of St John’s University, New York. He published a novel called The Man From Beyond and his collection of stories The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Apt 3W won the PEN/Hemingway Award for 2002. His cuteness is undeniable–just like Jonathan Safron Foer only 5,000 times more bonkable.

5. Dan Abrams

dan abramsMedialite founder, ABC legal analyst and a hot digital saavy vegetarian who champions women in books and online just announced he is expecting his first baby with Florinka Pesenti. Not sure when the baby is due, but no doubt anyone would want to do this JDILF-in-waiting.

6. Jerry Stiller

jerry stillerThis Brooklyn-born adorbz father of performers Amy and Ben is a big name who has no problem sharing the spotlight with a strong, smart woman–his wife of 58 years–long-time comedy and life partner Anne Meara. Wait, is it even legal to be married that long in showbiz?

7. David Borgenicht

David BorgenichtBravo to this dad of two for making a killing by taking typical Jewish neurosis and rebranding it into X-treme entertainment with his Worst Case Scenario books and TV venture. As President and Publisher of Quirk books, Borgenicht also rocks the house with his company’s series of hit literary comedy mash-ups like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Android Karenina.  Who wouldn’t want a piece of this brainy funny business mancake?

8. Calvin Klein

calvin klein jewishThis brilliant iconic designer to a brilliant daughter started as a scrappy kid from the Bronx who always dreamed of being a designer, but his only key into the business world was a good friend whose family was in the supermarket business. I actually met him and he’s funny and still looks great. He was married twice and now reportedly dates a hot young male model… but, like all these JDILFs, a gal can dream, right?

9. Peter Shumlin, Gov. of Vermont

peter shulminGovernor Shumlin had a Jewish father… so maybe he’s not technically Jewish according to some people but he’s smart and hilarious so I’m claiming him for the tribe. Check out this saucy/loveable quote: “Humor can be seen as cockiness and over-confidence… I like making people laugh. But I’ve had a lot of people tell me, especially when running for state-wide office, ‘Bag the humor thing and stick to the issues.’ That’s why you have so many boring politicians out there – if you play it safe, you get elected. I’ve never erred on the side of safety.”

10. Matthew Broderick

matthew broderick jewish dadIf you are my age you will never not love him and you will lust in your heart for him to show up at your boudoir wearing naught but a leopard vest and some hair gel. I saw him live in Brighton Beach Memoirs and love him long time. So much so that I forgive him that Super Bowl ad.

11. Richard Dreyfuss

richard dreyfussI’ve had a crush on him since the Goodbye Girl which is sick and wrong because I was like, 5? Anyway, he’s got three kids, and looks like a hot Jewy grizzled pirate captain, which doesn’t exist so makes him all the hotter.

12. Moses

mosesMost famous ghostwriter in history, good to animals, father of our people–he can part my red sea anytime. Oh yeah, I went there.

13. Hank Greenberg

hank greenberg baseball cardFive-time All-Star, two-time MVP, three kids, served in the service during WWII longer than any other major league ball player. Refused to play on Yom Kippur during a pennant race even though he wasn’t particularly religious. He passed away 25 years ago but it’s my fantasy roster of hot dad players–and he’s totally on the team.

14. Lenny Kravitz

Super talented, hottest girlfriends, helped create a line of scratch & sniff wallpapers. I’d do him just for the wallpaper.

15. Walter Kohn

walter kohnWho hasn’t always wanted to get busy with a Nobel prize winner who played the leading role in the development of density functional theory, making it possible to incorporate quantum mechanical effects in electronic density? And he’s man enough to sport a beret. That’s hott.

Note: The opinions expressed here are the personal views of the author. All comments on Kveller are moderated. Any comment that is offensive or inappropriate will be removed. Privacy Policy


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