The NY Times–a little late to the game–has identified the birth photography trend. Apparently, this is breaking news, yet I’ve seen pictures posted on Facebook of almost every little family I know expanding. No blood. No vaginas. No nudity. In actuality, I think the only news worthy part is that “birth photography” has become yet another thing for vendors to capitalize on as expectant parents are already stone-faced looking through the endless aisles of a certain baby super store. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: birth, birth story, photos

My second child, a daughter, was born two months ago. As my wife prepared to deliver the baby and the doctor readied the room, there was only one thing for me to do: remind everyone, once again, that I would not be cutting the umbilical cord.

I have no idea when the practice of paternal cord cutting was introduced, but it seems pretty obvious that it’s an attempt to give the father a role in the birthing process.

And herein lies my aversion to the practice. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: birth, Dads, dude week, umbilical cord

I find the idea of push presents very confusing. I first learned about them several years ago while channel surfing and stopping on TLC’s “A Baby Story.” As some woman worked to deliver her second child and her husband passed out, she said something to the effect of, “I’d better get a good push present–sparkly, like diamond earrings, big ones.”

Um. What? Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Pregnancy
• Tags: birth, push presents

It’s really hard for me not to talk about Babyonce right now. I mean, it’s clearly hard for the entire world not to talk about Beyonce and Jay-Z’s baby right now. But, since this is a site with a noted Jewish twist, it sort of doesn’t make sense to talk about Babyonce. Except, of course, if this baby could possibly be considered relatively Jewish in any way. What’s that, you say? You want to hear all of the reasons that this baby could possibly be considered relatively Jewish in any way? Well alright:

1. Her name is Blue Ivy. Blue, like the color of the Israeli flag. Totally Jewish!

2. The baby was born at Lenox Hill Hospital, on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. A lot of Jews live there. Very much Jewish!

3. It was widely believed that the baby was supposed to be born at St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. A lot of Jews live there, too. Pretty, pretty Jewish!

4. Jay-Z grew up in Brooklyn. Jews live there, too. Automatically Jewish!

5. A parody was made of Beyonce’s hit “Single Ladies” called “Jewish Single Ladies“. That makes Beyonce Jewish by osmosis, or something. Definitely Jewish!

So now that we’ve very scientifically proved Blue Ivy’s Jewish heritage, can we talk about how the new parents rented out the entire maternity ward to deliver their baby (or maybe they didn’t?) Or how Jay-Z already has a hit song all about baby Blue? Or about how Suri Cruise is really mad about this baby? Or how former Destiny’s Child member Michelle Williams refuses to congratulate Beyonce on Twitter? So much Babyonce, I’m going to explode!

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: beyonce, birth, celebrities

Both my daughters were born with birthmarks. It’s so common, in fact, for babies to come out with similar marks that the nurses at the hospital use the popular folk names: “angel kisses” for reddened eyelids and “stork bites” for a pink smattering on the back of the neck. Most fade within a few weeks.

As you might imagine, Jewish folklore has its own explanation for a certain “mark” we all have: the philtrum, more poetically called “the flume” on the TV show Ally McBeal. It’s the little divot of skin above your upper lip, the thing you tap when you’re thinking and that you press against the bottom of your nose when you think no one is looking.

According to the Talmud (Niddah 30b, a passage that whiplashes me between “aww!” with its description of an embryo as resembling folded writing tablets and “arrgh!” with its discussion of “uncleanliness), babies are told all the secrets of the Torah while they’re in the womb. While they’re there, their eyes are closed and their bellybuttons are open, receiving food from Mom. But as soon as the baby “sees the light,” everything reverses: her eyes open and her bellybutton closes. And just as that happens, an angel approaches and puts a finger on the baby’s lips, shushing her so she won’t tell the secrets of the Torah. She forgets everything, and spends her life trying to rediscover those secrets. Ah, it’s a beautiful story, full of the aching and longing for that perfect peace of the womb.

Penelope was a preemie, born ten weeks early. Did she get the whole Torah? Did she not get adequately shushed? Might she remember more than she was supposed to, because the angel didn’t get there in time? Maybe so! After all, just when she finally came home from her six-week stay in the NICU, she developed a hemangioma (or a Chuck Mangione, as we called it) that swelled her upper lip into a little beak before receding to the faint whisper of pink on her upper lip that it is today.

“Someday, the man that’ll be her husband will look at baby pictures of her, and then tell her he can still see it, and kiss her right here,” I told my husband once.

He glared at me. “Sure, right after he gets out of traction,” he growled, overprotectively. Ah. No wonder they’re such daddy’s girls. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Baby & Toddler
• Tags: birth, birthmarks

I grew up in a fairly complicated and very secular latchkey home with Hanukkah bushes, Chinese take-out, and a sick mama.

My mom passed away a couple of months before the Twin Towers fell, when I was 23. Around this time I started practicing vinyasa yoga in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn. I got dumped just days before both of my roommates moved out to live with their boyfriends. Yoga helped me feel calmer and healthier, and allowed me to sit with my various sadnesses. It was different from anything I grew up with.

As I continued my search for meaning, I figured I should check my own Jewish background. Though familiar, I didn’t know an Aleinu from an Aleph. I also thought something about Israelis reminded me of what I found edgy and compelling in 90s era hip hop, so I decided to learn a little Hebrew and went on Birthright (a free trip to Israel for 18 to 26-year-olds). I said the Mourner’s Kaddish for my mom the year after she passed, and it served as a mantra that brought change in my life.

I was working in music marketing when I met my husband Jonah on Jdate. When he showed up I thought, “this guy is wearing a kippah, he’s way too religious for me, he’s moving to DC in a few months, and he really doesn’t seem like one-night-stand material.”

And then I got past all that and was present. We both loved hip hop, and comedy, and spirituality (admittedly in a sort of distance-learning way).

People ask if I got more religious because of my husband.  I think we wouldn’t have connected if I wasn’t already interested. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Baby & Toddler, Parenting
• Tags: birth, doula, Jewish yoga, yoga

My last pregnancy was when I was 41--but I'd already had six babies before it.

Over the span of 20 years and six children, my birthing experiences had run the gamut from gurney-hopping in the bad old days before labor and delivery rooms, to an unplugged, unmedicated delivery with midwives. But a few constants remained: my belief in prenatal exercise, my categorical rejection of C-sections, and my disdain for those who bottle-fed. My babies were plump from mother’s milk!

I was delighted to become pregnant at 41; my two previous pregnancies had miscarried, one at 20 weeks, in a serious hemorrhage. I breathed a sigh of relief as we passed that mark, and walked every day and ate nutritiously.

The first bleeding episode happened at 23 weeks, the second at 28 weeks, and the third at 32 weeks. I was diagnosed with placenta previa–the placenta was covering the cervix. Which meant I was in danger of suddenly hemorrhaging, putting me and baby in mortal danger. On bed rest, I was to stay in the hospital until 36 weeks, when I’d be c-sectioned, since a vaginal delivery was impossible.

When the placenta previa resolved at 38 weeks, I rejoiced that I no longer faced a Cesarean and went home to enjoy a few weeks of freedom. We made it to full-term! Feeling accomplished, I arrived at the hospital to give birth-–naturally. But the baby was transverse (instead of its head being down, its shoulder or back was down). Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: bed rest, birth, bottle feeding, breastfeeding, c-section, older moms

All the Jewish parenting news you probably didn’t have time to read this week

- This photo essay of children’s rooms in the New York Times is really astounding. From a dump in Cambodia to a gated Orthodox community in the West Bank to the top floor of a 5th Avenue apartment building, it gives you a lot to think about. (NYT)

- Welcome to the tribe, Bachelorette! Apparently Ashley Hebert, who chose JP Rosenbaum, a construction manager from Long Island, as her mate for life on reality TV, is going to convert to Judaism for him. We’re all waiting for the 2-hour “Rabbi Tells All” special. (6nobacon)

- We mentioned this last week, but hearing the full story about the women who went into labor while taking the bar exam, “breathed through the questions,” finished the test and gave birth two hours later is truly amazing. (And we’re pretty sure she’s Jewish, too, so there’s that.) (Chicago tribune)

- We’ve spoken up about genetic testing for Jewish genetic disease, but this story brings to light another important issue–testing for certain cancers that may be more common among Ashkenazi women. Jill Steinberg took the test that saved her life. (Forward)

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: birth, genetics, roundup

Yes, all of this crying is just hazing for my new sorority, MOM.

I went to one of those colleges that lacked a Greek scene. That was alright with me, since I never really thought of myself as a Greek gal – until now. Since giving birth, I’ve been working on pledging my local chapter of the Mu Omega Mu (MOM) sorority.  My daughter Lila has been designated to oversee my pledging. Lila has dutifully spent each day testing my commitment to the organization and its values.

1. A New Identity- For starters, like most pledges, I have been required to accept a whole new identity. Yes, I am now Lila’s mother and not just Melissa; I expected that. However, I did not expect to feel like an industrial strength cow, which is how I feel most days. You see, when we learned in our prenatal class that newborns need to breastfeed 8-12 times a day, that was a fun factoid. Actually living it, and needing to clock each feeding – which can take 90 minutes including burping, especially if my baby is sleepy – is an entirely different situation. On many days, this is what I do. Keeping the baby fed is typically my daily accomplishment, because it is nearly always feeding time for Mini Moo. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Baby & Toddler, Parenting
• Tags: birth, breastfeeding, hazing, new baby, sorority

Happy July 1^st! For some of us, i.e. me, this is the month where we’re scheduled to have a baby. For others, this is the month where a new job will commence. And in some situations, these two unusual circumstances will collide.

New medical residents start their shifts on July 1^st. The maximum hour shifts for first year residents, as of today, is 16 hours…apparently laid-back, compared to the normal way of life of a first year resident. Second year residents are allowed to work 24 hour shifts, although “strategic napping” is recommended. Sort of like being a new parent, isn’t it?

I’m due next week, so who knows what will happen…but here in the US, many know that July 4^th is…well, July 4^th. And on July 4^th, everyone with any seniority in any job in the world decamps for beach, mountain, or recreational locations, leaving people who don’t know what they’re doing…I mean, people who are comparatively new on the job…to do the work. I’ve been in that position myself, and have fond memories of spending my Fourth of July weekends working on briefs that were fairly eviscerated by partners after the fact.

I don’t like the idea of my baby, due to scheduling constraints beyond my control, being delivered by someone who has less experience delivering babies than I do (this will be my third, after all).

But the fact of the matter is that baby birthin’ is fairly unpredictable business, regardless of the time of year. You never know what’s going to happen or where. With my first child, I remember going to my Lamaze class and being surprised that everyone had drawn up elaborate birth plans. I looked down at my piece of paper, which said, “Have the baby.” I mean, homework for Lamaze class is a bit much…but also, the fact is that this is one of those “Women plan, God laughs” kind of situations. The more elaborate the birthing plan, the more guaranteed it seems one is of having a c-section.

I’ve been having off-and-on contractions and pain for the past few days and am trying to go through life with as little variation as possible. I went to a film screening yesterday, and am relieved to report that I didn’t give birth either inbound or outbound in the Lincoln Tunnel. In an effort to court as many germs as possible, I’m taking my older son to the pediatrician today so he can get over his cold in time to hopefully meet his little sister in the hospital when she’s born. I have flip flops to return. Will the day end with me having a baby? Who knows?

You can’t sweat the small stuff or the big stuff. Resident possibly delivering my baby? I can’t stress about it – you never know what’s going to happen. And so that’s why when I watch the fireworks with my husband, parents and boys Monday night, I’m going to make sure I get a good seat – right next to the E.M.T. truck.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: birth, Doctors, Vacation