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Aug 23 2013

Single Mother By Choice: Dating When You Still Look Pregnant

By at 9:29 am
baby jeans

My daughter has jeans that fit… but I don’t.

We’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. Her daughter is now 6 weeks old.  

Today I went shopping at Destination Maternity–again.

No, you didn’t read that wrong. Yes, I had my wonderful little baby girl six weeks ago. We’re having a great time getting to know one another. She is smiley, wiggly, and wonderful. She even sleeps for long chunks of time at night–knock on wood! But, she left me with a very stretched out uterus. In fact, my OB recently told me that I still have a 10 week sized uterus.

Big deal, so does Kate Middleton and she’s being photographed by paparazzi every day. Still, there is one thing that Kate and I don’t have in common. OK, fine, more than one thing! But, there is one difference that makes my experience of this still-pregnant-looking-body a more serious matter. I’m single. Read the rest of this entry →

May 2 2013

I’m Pregnant & Now Find Strong Men Very Sexy

By at 1:41 pm

strong sexy man backWe’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. She is now 32 weeks pregnant.  

For most of my life, I have had a strong attraction to men who could be described as wiry, nerdy types. I dated lots of guys who wore smaller jeans than I did and it might have seemed that spectacles were a requirement for the men I chose. In fact, at one point, when my sister and I were playing Hodel and Tzeitel in a regional production of Fiddler on the Roof, she joked that I had taken my search for a modern day Motel the Tailor a little too far!  Read the rest of this entry →

Jan 24 2013

Single Mother By Choice: JDating While Pregnant

By at 10:12 am

When we last heard from her in October, Emily decided to go with IVF to become a single mother by choice. Today, we have an exciting update.

If you have spent any time on Jdate–or any other dating site, for that matter–you know that there are lots of checkboxes. You can check off that you are single, separated, divorced, or widowed. You can check a box that says you have children, or that you don’t. You can even identify if you want children or not. Recently, however, I have noticed that Jdate lacks a checkbox for expectant-single-mother-by-choice-still-actively-seeking-the-love-of-her-life. So, what’s a girl to do in the absence of such a perfect checkbox? Read the rest of this entry →

Jan 17 2013

My Daughter & Her Boyfriend’s Jeans

By at 2:54 pm

torn jeans with holeI’m standing at the kitchen sink when my eldest walks past me to the table to pack her lunch.

“What’s all over your pants?”

“They’re distressed.”

“Did you rip them?!”

“No, they came like that. It’s a style.” She pauses for effect. “And they’re not my pants. And you said I looked cute in them.”

Now I’m distressed. I look more closely at her pants. They are black jeans, ripped and frayed on both legs. I hadn’t noticed that–looking up from the bottom of the stairs–when I’d complimented her.

“Are you wearing [boyfriend name]‘s pants?!” Read the rest of this entry →

Jan 16 2013

Let Your Kids Know They’re Not the Center of the Universe

By at 11:58 am

“My son David? He only likes WHITE PIZZA,” the mother said, highlighting the words with the tips of her fingers. “You know, the kind with NO SAUCE.”

These are the words of a mother of a child, David [name changed], with whom my son, now in second grade, went to nursery school. David’s mom said them to the teacher–and about 20 sets of parents in the room–at Back to School night at the nursery school, at the point at which the teacher asked, “Are there any questions?”

You may have noticed that David’s mom’s question wasn’t actually a question. It was more of a proclamation, made in response to the teacher’s having mentioned that the kids would celebrate Shabbat with pizza brought in for the class. It was a proclamation that David had very definite tastes–and that those tastes shouldn’t be challenged. It was a Marie Antoinette-like statement for our age: instead of “Let Them Eat Cake,” it was “Let Them Eat White Pizza (Because That’s What David Likes!).” Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 16 2012

Single Mother By Choice: I Still Want to Find My Man

By at 2:19 pm

man and woman holding handsOver the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she talks about what this means for her dating life.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the dating implications of becoming a single mother by choice.

It has always been my dream to find a wonderful man, fall in love, get married, buy a charming colonial in the suburbs, and make a bunch of babies. As you know if you’ve been reading this blog, things haven’t taken that path for me. I’m 37, single, and trying to become a mother. Read the rest of this entry →

Jun 19 2012

Jealousy & The Other Woman

By at 10:07 am
radiohead thom yorke

So my husband sounds like Radiohead. Big deal.

So, it turns out I am a very jealous woman.

Case in point:

Once upon a star-studded night in Berkeley, just a few short months after we first hooked up, B and I sat on the stoop of my boarding house next to some girl from the neighborhood. And while we smoked our American Spirits, the conversation turned to music. OK, full disclosure time: I don’t like Radiohead.  But B did. And so did this girl, apparently, because she went on and on and on about how ah-may-zing Thom Yorke is and how B’s band’s recent single “reached her” (gag) in the same way that the song, Creep, did when she was in high school.

(Vomit.) Read the rest of this entry →

May 1 2012

Interviews with Interesting Jews: Brad and Danielle Weisberg of TheJMom.com

By at 12:50 pm

thejmom.com

If you grew up with a Jewish mother, chances are, at some point or another, she wanted to know how your love life was going. And she may have even shared an opinion or two on just what kind of person you should be dating. And when you’ll be getting married. And when you’ll be finally giving her grandchildren.

Today, the world of finding a match has the added bonus (or nightmare, you decide) of online dating. And while many Jews turn to certain websites where they can meet other Jews, online dating is still online dating, and for the most part, it can get ugly out there.

That brings us to TheJMom. TheJMom.com is a new dating website that, like JDate, is geared for Jewish Americans, but unlike any other dating site, it puts the ball in the dater’s mom’s court. That’s right. Moms create profiles for their sons and daughters, and then interact with other mothers who are looking to set up their children. We sat down with Danielle and Brad Weisberg, the brother and sister team who started TheJMom, as well as their mother, Barbara, to talk about why JDate isn’t enough, the potential downfalls of letting your mother choose your profile picture, and the age old question: Do Jewish moms really know best?

What was the initial impetus for starting the site?

Danielle: We launched TheJMom in 2010, but the story begins a year earlier. We both were on JDate and our mother had asked numerous times to look at Brad’s online dating profile and search the site to see if she could find the perfect girl for him. Brad finally gave in and let her go to town, searching the site as she pleased. Read the rest of this entry →

Mar 13 2012

Where are All the Nice Single Jewish Boys?

By at 4:31 pm

nice jewish guys calendarIt’s Dude Week here at Kveller, which gives me the perfect opportunity to ask a question that has been bothering me for years now.

Where are all the single Jewish men?

You may think that Kveller isn’t necessarily the right forum for such a question, seeing as how we tend to be more play-date than J-Date around here. But as long as we’ve got the men’s attention this week, I have to ask, where are all of your single buddies? (Please don’t say Israel–nothing against the homeland, but we were hoping for a distinctly American answer in this case.) Read the rest of this entry →

Nov 3 2011

Don’t Call Him Mr. Mom

By at 10:39 am

Over the past few weeks I’ve spent a lot of time with my boyfriend and his 3-year-old daughter, Ronia. We flew together to Minnesota, spent Sukkot with his parents, and then returned to New York City, where we took Ronia to my shul, to several playgrounds, and to a time-honored New York tradition—Sunday morning brunch in a bar.

On planes, trains, and automobiles Ronia is mistaken for my child. People gave up their seats on the subway, so she could sit next to “her mama” and said things like “Aw, she loves her mommy” when I carried her after a particularly exhausting day. And of course, Ronia does love her mommy—I’m just not that person. I’ve learned not to jump in with a correction in these situations. Our story is personal and complicated, and the history of our new family need not be explicated to everyone who feels the need to comment on my interactions with Ronia.

But it has been weird to me how often people address their comments to me, rather than to Jesse, the one of us who is actually a parent. Sometimes he responds to comments that have been posed to me, or I deflect the question to him, or we just decide to just play along and answer together. But it’s clear that as the woman, I’m assumed to be the parental authority, and Jesse is just Mr. Mom.

And we do hear people using the term Mr. Mom as if it’s a novel and cute way of describing fatherhood. (It was even in a New York Times headline recently.) But Mr. Mom was the name of a bad movie in the eighties. Even the humor of it is hopelessly outdated. It’s supposed to be funny because “Mr.” implies a man, and Moms are WOMEN. Get it? Not exactly a knee-slapper.

Jesse isn’t playing at being a mom when he parents Ronia. He’s being himself—a dad. A dad who stayed home with his daughter when she was a baby (he wasn’t pretending to be a mom then, either), and who now makes pancakes for breakfast and macaroni and cheese for dinner, who does load after load of laundry (Ronia’s princess dresses, and my jeans and cardigans), reads stories, sings lullabies, cuddles, and watches, rapt, when Ronia swings happily on the playground.

In this 21st century world, where we all know tons of non-conventional families, it seems everyone still wants to cast me as the mom, and Jesse as the Mr. Mom. I’m thinking about investing in t-shirts. His can say, “I’m not Mr. Mom. I’m Dad.” And mine can say, “Ladyfriend.” And then when people ask, I can just refer them to my chest. Wait, that might not actually be the best plan…

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