We published a post yesterday by Tamar Fox about test driving parenthood by spending the weekend with her boyfriend’s 3-year-old daughter. Here’s the boyfriend’s take on the same experience.
I travel to New York every week for love. Basically, I come back to Philadelphia to parent Ronia in the city where her school is located and where her mother lives. My life is geographically determined, I am basically a different person in New York than I am in Philly though my two lives aren’t really that different. They are defined by relationships with powerful ladies who are younger than me.
Still, until now, they have not come together very often. My lady doesn’t get to Philly all that often, and Ronia has only made it to NYC once, when my parents took us both up.
But I have one sister living there and she’s been agitating for some auntie time. The pitch was that Ronia could stay with her, and we would not have to put Ronia on the Lady’s couch and draft her housemates into being involuntary aunties, when the real one was quite voluntary.
I try to be as hands off as possible in pushing Tamar to take on Ronia responsibilities. I feel like choosing to date someone who has a child is very different from choosing to have one yourself. Also, Tamar’s friends are weirdly pressuring in this regard, with several of them asking her if she’s spent time with Ronia.
So it was with some trepidation that I suggested the weekend, but Tamar, bless her child-loving heart, agreed. And though I am usually hesitant to set the agenda, Tamar and Auntie were both amenable.
Because my bus was horrendously late, I dropped Ronia somewhat abruptly with her aunt and posse of ladies, all ready to fuss over the niece, and headed uptown. Though I pride myself on my Shabbat co-hosting, I arrived at that magic moment when everything is done. A very grownup Shabbat dinner followed, while Ronia partied downtown.
In the morning, I headed to shul. I had asked Maya to bring Ronia to synagogue, which is big because Maya does not usually attend. To her credit, she agreed. I watched the door anxiously, sneaking off to the bathroom to field texts of their progress. The progress was minimal, Ronia had reverted to her rockstar ways, sleeping past 11 am. I asked Maya to bring her anyway. Read the rest of this entry →