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Oct 15 2012

Inside the Mind of a Pregnant Woman Four Days Past Her Due Date

By at 4:19 pm
cirque du soleil acrobats

Cirque du Soleil acrobat, I am not.

The insanity only begins when you no longer recognize it as insanity. That’s the fundamental truth of parenting. And you’d think I’d know it by now. But no. It’s only with a few hours remove that I can look back at myself last night, sitting up in bed at 3 a.m., frantically Googling “leaking amniotic fluid” (note: there is no sign that I am doing anything other than “peeing like a racehorse,” as pregnant women with bladders the sizes of raisins tend to do) and think, GET A FREAKING GRIP.

Insanity, start your engines.

So as you’re aware, I was supposed to have this baby last Thursday. “Estimated due date,” my big pregnant ass.

“You’re STILL HERE?”–that’s a quote from basically Everyone On The Planet. Yes, that’s right–I am still here. I’m here performing a humanitarian mission, testing the capacity of innocent elastic waistbands of maternity pants worldwide. Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 10 2012

Baby #4 is Due TOMORROW but I’m Not Ready

By at 12:30 pm

due date baby pink shoes on calendarMy due date is tomorrow.

I remember those halcyon days when I was pregnant with my first child in New York. I left work a month early to “get ready.” Since I had no kids, “getting ready,” entailed long lunches with friends and family, museum visits to exhibits I’d read about in the New York Times, and putting together a registry that included now-banned items like crib bumpers. Livin’ la vida loca! I was so excited to give birth. “ANY DAY NOW!” I’d excitedly chirp to doormen, shopkeepers, and random pedestrians. Read the rest of this entry →

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