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Nov 7 2013

My Fifth Time Giving Birth & I Still Wasn’t Prepared for This

By at 2:43 pm

jordana horn fifth time giving birth

“I’m not even supposed to BE here today.”

That line–one of my favorites from the movie Clerks–kept going through my head as I checked myself into labor and delivery at the hospital last week. The words were incongruous, at fierce odds with the tears and snot that were running down my face uncontrollably as I hit “redial” over and over, trying to reach my husband or mom or, for that matter, anyone, to tell them I was in trouble.

OK, I’ll back up.

You’d think that by my fifth pregnancy, I’d have figured out that the whole “giving birth” thing doesn’t always go as planned. But I’d never had to think about the spontaneity factor–I’d been late and induced for each of my pregnancies. I never experienced the rush of my water breaking, or of excitedly driving to the hospital huffing and puffing through contractions, or of not knowing when my baby was coming. My baby would come on the date I scheduled induction with my obstetrician. Ta da! Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 16 2013

What Nesting Looks Like… For the Fifth Child

By at 9:54 am

photo (3) copy

Anyone who’s had a baby knows what “nesting” is. It’s the urge that kicks in shortly before the baby will be born–the one that inspires you to actually organize and prepare your home for the impending new arrival. Nesting evokes a doting mother bird, preparing the hunk of twigs and detritus that will become a cozy home for a family. It’s a lovely idea.

It becomes somewhat less poetic with the imminent arrival of your fifth child.

With the fifth kid, nesting now incorporates:

*Ample profanity: “Where the f*ck did we put that big Tupperware bin full of the newborn onesies?”

*Grunting: If you are not supposed to do any heavy lifting at the end of your pregnancy, how are you supposed to get the bassinet out of the basement while making sure the current baby doesn’t tumble down the stairs? Read the rest of this entry →

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