"Honey, there's no ice cream in there. The kids are just listening to nice music." Painting by Jeff Zimmermann

I lie to my daughters. I’m shameless about it. I lie to them at least once a day (and that’s on a good day). There are so many great reasons to lie to your kids—a little fib can help avoid (or end) a tantrum, it can be a useful way to quickly set a limit or encourage a behavior, it’s often easier than giving the real explanation, and let’s be honest folks, it’s just plain fun. That’s right, sometimes I lie to my kids because it makes me happy.

Between toddler meltdowns, early-morning infant wake-ups, poopy diapers, meal refusals, and constant requests for the “Wheels on the Bus” song, these kids are running the show. If a little white lie makes me feel like I have the upper hand every once in a while, I’m all for it.

(Just to be clear, I lie to both the toddler and the baby. I know that my 11-month-old doesn’t understand, but the 2-year-old sure does, and I want her to know that I mistreat both my children equally.)

Before I educate you on the art of deception, let’s consider what Judaism has to say on the matter. Yes, we all know not bearing false witness is one of the Big Ten, but honoring thy mother and father is also high on that list, and it’s not like I’m getting a whole lot of that around here these days. (And if you really believe that two wrongs don’t make a right, then you clearly don’t live with toddlers.) However, there may be another loophole for those of us with our pants on fire. The Talmud tells us that deception is permissible for a few reasons, including in the interest of peace. I can think of no higher purpose for my lies than peace, even just a few minutes. Or even 60 seconds. Really.

So, rest assured you that you can fib away, and still be a Good Jew. Here are some of my favorite lies:

1.  “Yes, dear, we’ll do it tomorrow.” In our house, tomorrow is toddler-talk for “sometime in the future” and Mommy-talk for “never.” By the time tomorrow rolls around, the kid has already forgotten about the zoo or ice cream or going shopping for Hello Kitty underwear, or whatever it is she was obsessing about the day before. On the off chance she hasn’t forgotten, I just trot out the lie again. It’s quite handy really.

2. “We’re all out of [plain noodles, strawberries, crackers—insert toddler’s favorite food here].” Now, this isn’t always a lie, but it often is. It’s a great way to avoid power struggles over food, because if we just don’t have the food, well, it’s not Mommy’s fault—that’s just the way it is. This lie is often followed by, “Yes, Mommy will go to the store tomorrow.”

3. “You can’t play with that toy because it needs to take a nap right now.” This one is a lifesaver when the little anklebiter wants to play with (ie., not share) her favorite toy during a play date. It works every time

4. “Caillou eats eggs.” Now, obviously you can tailor this particular fabrication to whatever whiny little TV brat your child is currently obsessed with, along with the rejected food du jour. I’m struggling to get protein (and vegetables and really anything that isn’t noodles, berries, or crackers) into the kid, but now she inhales eggs like their ice cream. Speaking of which…

5. “The ice cream shop is closed today.” This lie is also closely related to “Actually, sweetie, that’s a music truck that just pulled up to the park on this hot day. The kids are all lined up to hear the pretty music.” (I can’t take credit for this one—I got the idea from a friend, and I think it’s brilliant.)

Now, if you’re really committed to deceiving your children, you may need to utilize some advanced techniques. My sister (who is a master in the art of lying to children, and a true inspiration to me) once had our brother call her son and pretend to be a fireman. He told our nephew that all firemen take naps. The kid was asleep within 20 minutes. Genius. Pure genius.

So, there you have it. I lie to my kids, and God willing, I’ll be lying to them for years to come. But at least I’m honest about it.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: food, toddlers

New parents are notorious for eating cereal three meals a day because it's the easiest to make.

There’s been quite a crop of new babies and pregnancies amongst my friends, and I love it. I’ve gotten to meet some of the little ones recently, and it’s so much fun to hold them and reminisce about when my almost-2-year-old daughter was so tiny. Ah, memories.

One of the things I remember most about those early days was how chaotic everything was. This tiny little baby arrives and suddenly you can’t figure out how to get anything else done anymore–from laundry to getting dressed to making dinner. In our house, we ordered in. A lot. (Too much!) Since then, I’ve tried to bring food to new moms and dads as much as possible. We’ve got some great recipes for that–I wish someone had made those for me! Especially for a Friday night Shabbat meal.

But the other day a friend told me about an awesome new website. And I swear they aren’t giving me any money to tell you about this. It’s called Mealbaby.com, and it’s basically a meal registry. New parents can make an account, ask for meals at certain times, detail the kinds of foods they like, don’t like, and are allergic to, and friends can just sign up for specific slots to make food. You can even give a few of your favorite take-out restaurants and friends can call it in for you and put it on their credit card! Genius.

I am encouraging all of my pregnant friends to sign up for this one. I almost want to get pregnant so I can get my own mealbaby account. Though my husband tells me that’s not the best reason to get pregnant. Can’t blame a girl for trying.

Want more recipes to bring to new moms? Israeli food? Challah? Or check out our complete recipe list for all of our favorite foods.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: food, friday night, shabbat

Eating placenta. Laura Morton / Special to The Chronicle

In San Francisco, a “food adventure club” routinely tries new, experimental, and gourmet foods. That isn’t so unusual — I mean, it’s San Francisco — but their twelfth adventure last week encountered a whole new culinary echelon: Placentas.

To be fair, it isn’t exactly new food. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say, we’ve all tried placenta before. But, like the contemporaneous trip down the birth canal, most of us can’t remember the taste.

The group — which includes such awesome San Francisco writers as Ali Liebegott and Michelle Tea — wasn’t all down for it. And the Chronicle reporter who broke the story unearthed some disturbing findings: According to an anatomy professor, the “placenta ‘is part of the infant, no question. Yes, it’s discarded after birth,’ he says, ‘but it’s still human.’”

But some would beg to differ:

Four-star San Francisco chef Daniel Patterson of Coi spoke at the Museum of Modern Art earlier this year preparing his wife’s placenta – which he did at her request – by soaking it in milk, salting it, then cooking it with pork into a Bolognese sauce, which he topped with a poached egg. He looked at it as a culinary challenge, but one that also eased his wife’s postpartum pain.

We are weirdos, too. Following our children’s births, we followed the Talmud and buried their placentas in our backyard. In olden times of yore, trees would grow near the placentas, and you’d cut them down to use in your child’s wedding canopy. Not that we’re preparing for their weddings or anything. The oldest one is 3! We’ve got at least 12 years before that.

• Posted in Activities, Parenting
• Tags: food, placenta

The fruit and vegetables are so fresh in Israel that I even like eating things like fennel and beets.

I’m no world traveler, but I have spent a fair amount of time in Israel. And it’s a pretty amazing country. From the history beneath your feet to the vistas of the desert to the food. Oh, the food. I spent a summer in Israel and went to the shuk (outdoor market) almost daily–buying fresh vegetables and fruits to eat for dinner that night, eating just-baked pita bread as I wandered through. I don’t think I’ve ever loved vegetables the way I do in Israel–they’re just so fresh, and once you’ve bargained with the guys at the shuk to get them down a shekel, you feel like a million bucks.

Today is Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israel Independence Day. It’s like our Fourth of July, but supposedly with a lot more Silly String involved. I’m not going to make it to Israel this year for the celebration, but in honor of Yom Ha’atzmaut, I’m going to make Israeli food like it’s going out of style. You can too–just check out these excellent recipes. Enjoy!

Baba Ganoush (a creamy, eggplant-based dip that goes great with pita bread or fresh vegetables)

Falafel You may want to break out the deep-fryer for this one, but oh man, these chickpea balls are delicious!

Hummus Kids love to eat it, and it’s easy to make too. Spread it on bread with some sprouts, tomato, and cucumber for a delicious and nutritious sandwich.

Israeli Breakfast Recipes In Israel, breakfast is filled with salads, vegetables, and dips–not at all like the carb-loaded breakfast here in the States. These healthier recipes will give your breakfast a whole new flavor.

Pita The flatbread of choice in Israel. You haven’t really tried it until you’ve tasted it hot from the oven. mmmmm.

Sabich Admittedly, I’ve never tried this sandwich. But with hummus, fried eggplant, Israeli salad, and hard-boiled eggs, how could you go wrong?

Schnitzel Basically a fried chicken cutlet. I like to eat them with ketchup.

Shakshuka consists of eggs poached in a thick tomato sauce. You’ve got to sop this one up with pita bread. (And if you don’t feel like cooking yourself, and if you’re lucky enough to live in Brooklyn, NY, like I am, you can have this made for you at this local restaurant.)

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: food, Israel, recipe, vegetables, Yom Ha'Atzmaut

It is April and my husband and I are pushing tiny onion bulbs into muddy soil, caring for trays and trays of tiny seedlings and gearing up for Passover. We run a small organic farm about 20 miles outside Washington, DC where we grow vegetables, strawberries, herbs, and flowers.  While few Jews choose to farm, we find that farming integrates more seamlessly into a Jewish life than we ever could have imagined.

When we build a Sukkah in our farm field, we intuitively understand both the physical need for a shady hut during harvest season and the emotional need to stop and enjoy meals even during the busiest season. On Passover, we can bring our own parsley and early asparagus to seder and on Hanukkah we still have some of our own potatoes and sweet potatoes for latkes.

Like most American Jews, my husband and I did not grow up farming. We met in college where we learned the ideas behind organic agriculture and very basic farming skills. After college we spent time in Israel on kibbutzim where Jewish life and farming go hand in hand.

Starting a farm from scratch was a pretty daunting prospect and it took us a while to gather our courage. We started looking around the Washington area so we could keep our day jobs while we tried farming. Within a year, we bought a former tobacco farm in commuting distance to Washington and almost immediately started tilling the soil and growing vegetables for a small local market. Fast forward 9 years, and we have a 4-year-old and a baby and are still farming.

Our farm has developed with us, we now market primarily through community supported agriculture or CSA. Since we deliver our CSA shares to Capitol Hill, we are lucky to be one of the few CSAs in the country with members that help set national agricultural policy while staffing Senate offices and the USDA.  And we are expanding into a new business called Israeli Harvest where we are supporting Israeli farmers by using the CSA model.

We are happy that our children are growing up with hands-on farming experience. Our 4-year-old knows how to plant, pull weeds, and will instruct guests how to stay on garden paths. And our baby can grab ripe blueberries and get them straight from the plant to her mouth.

On the downside, if we wanted to walk to a shul–any shul–for Shabbat services, we would need to set off by Wednesday. Last time I was in Israel and explained our family farm to kibbutz members, they asked, “But you farm all alone, just with your family?” In Israel, the family farm is not really a concept, people farm collectively, on Kibbutzim and Moshavim. They ask, “isn’t it lonely?” And yes sometimes it is, a little bit.

Luckily, much of Judaism is family based and Shabbat with homemade challah is a touchstone for our week. We are also blessed to serve as an informal retreat for many of our DC and Silver Spring friends who come for visits and sometimes spend the whole weekend. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the beltway:  they have Jewish schools, shuls, and delis nearby but worry that their kids don’t spend enough time outside. We have plenty of nature but worry about our kids growing up outside Jewish community.

In recent years, a young Jewish farming movement has sprouted up lead by organizations like Adamah, Jewish Farm School, and Kayam. There are groups of Jewish farmers who get together to talk about everything from Torah and farming to composting and raising Kosher meat. There are growing numbers of people who share our values and tons of potential to create something bigger together. Maybe some Kveller readers will want to pick up a trowel and join the fun.

Tanya Tolchin is a manager at Israeli Harvest,  a farmer at Jug Bay Market Garden, a writer, an environmentalist and most importantly a mom.  She has a new blog:  On the Lettuce Edge.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: farming, featured, food, Passover

Mika with a bowl of grapes. Her, ahem, vast vocabulary is mostly limited to food items.

For a long time now there’s been a belief that babies and toddlers understand a lot more than they let on. The author of What Babies Say Before They Can Talk believes that part of our job as parents is to translate our child’s words. When they say “no,” for example, they are expressing “distress-to-anguish.” Similarly,  ”gimme, gimme” means “interest-to-excitement.” The author, Dr. Paul C. Holinger, who also blogs for Psychology Today,  gives the following advice for dealing with toddlers: “figure out and name the feelings behind her words.”

This all makes me wonder if my 15-month-old daughter and I are functioning on a lesser emotional level than other mothers and daughters. When Mika is saying “Kra-kra” I usually know what she means: she wants a damn cracker. And preferably the orange kind shaped like a bunny. And when she says “Ei! Ei!” she wants a scrambled egg and as best I can tell is using the German word to express it.  Her use of words is mostly limited to nouns in the food family. Hmmm….I wonder whose daughter she is?

The main exception to the food rule is for the word “baby.” She likes to point out other babies everywhere she goes. And then the other night, she learned how to use it best. She woke up at what can only be described as an ungodly hour. First, she cried. I ignored it. Then she called for mama. Still, I ignored it.  And when all else failed, she simply cried, “baby!”

And in I went running.

No translation needed.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: food, Language

Growing up, kugel was a staple at our Yom Kippur break-fast, but not many other times throughout the year. But when I got pregnant, all I wanted to eat was kugel. Something about the way noodles, raisins and dairy products added up to a sweet, creamy, nausea-free combination really worked for me. Especially in that first trimester.

Problem was, I was so nauseated and exhausted for so long that I barely made it to my grad school classes. I had to come home every afternoon and lie down on the couch, watching hours upon hours of TV on the DVR. The idea of standing up for long enough to make a kugel (even though it’s a super-easy recipe) was just never going to happen.

But last week I came across a slow-cooker kugel recipe. It had never ever occurred to me to make a kugel in a crockpot. Amazing, and a perfect fit for that feeling that there’s never enough time in a day (see my previous post about casseroles for more on that). I’ve taken this recipe from Valerie at Dinner is a Crock (awesome name, by the way) and modified it a little bit to fit the post-baby-trying-to-lose-weight lifestyle, subbing whole wheat egg noodles and low-fat sour cream and cottage cheese and even using Splenda instead of sugar. Perhaps not as rich, but definitely a little healthier for you. Just be forewarned–it’s not as thick as your typical kugel, so you want to let it rest a bit before eating otherwise it will fall apart (unless you like it that way).

Enjoy!

Ingredients:

1 lb. whole wheat egg noodles, cooked (Ronzoni makes them)
5 eggbeaters (1 and 1/4 cups)
16 oz. low fat or fat-free sour cream
16 oz. low fat or fat-free cottage cheese
1/2 c. Splenda (you can use part sugar for this)
1 t. cinnamon
1 T. vanilla
3/4  c. raisins
1 c. Special K or cornflakes cereal (crushed)
2 T. butter melted
Mix all ingredients except noodles, cereal and butter in crock pot until smooth. Fold noodles into mixture gently. Mix crushed cereal and melted butter in a separate bowl and then flake on top of casserole mixture. Cook on low for 4 hours. For last 15-30 minutes, position lid sideways so that air can escape during final moments of cooking.

• Posted in Parenting, Recipes
• Tags: food, recipe, shabbat