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Apr 24 2014

The Day My Toddler Saw Me Cry Like a Baby

By at 12:02 pm


It was one of those days where I would’ve been better off staying in bed under the covers. Work had been stressful. My bus home was delayed. A close friend’s actions had left me feeling hurt. And just as I was gearing up to put my toddler to bed, my husband called with the news that our car, which he was supposed to be taking for a simple oil change, would need several thousand dollars worth of repairs.

Clearly, nothing particularly tragic went down. But I was tired. I was already aggravated and upset. And yes, okay, there were also some let’s call them “prominent female hormones” at play. So when I got the call from my husband, it was that classic piece of straw that broke the worn-out mother’s back. And so I did something that I hadn’t really anticipated but also somehow couldn’t prevent: I broke down crying in front of my toddler.

Now just to be clear, I’m talking about the type of crying where you sink to the ground, your body shakes back and forth, you start making all sorts of strange guttural noises, and you generally can’t catch your breath for several minutes in a row. It’s the kind of crying you really can’t hide, and it’s the type that most adults would probably either avoid altogether or reserve for the confines of their respective bedrooms or showers. In other words, I cried like a baby. A big baby. And worse yet, I did it in front of my baby.  Read the rest of this entry →

Jan 8 2014

Infertility is Not a Competition

By at 11:59 am


I am part of the sisterhood… you know, the one where women undergo blood tests, injections of numerous hormones, one too many pelvic exams…the fertility treatment sisterhood. That was my life for 12 months; month #13 was lucky for us, though! We had IVF and implanted one healthy embryo which developed into our daughter. We were thrilled and are so lucky to now be planning for her 4th birthday.

This past year, however, was difficult again as we were rolling the dice and hoping one of our four frozen embryos would implant. Twelve months of four individual transfers brought only heartache. Our last was the saddest, as I had to listen to the nurse on the phone tell me, “I am so sorry but your embryo did not survive the thaw.”

So, here I am, extra hormones out of my system and finally feeling more normal than I have in the past year… and I feel alone. Read the rest of this entry →


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