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Jul 25 2013

My Ectopic Pregnancy & Why I’m Determined to Talk About It

By at 1:48 pm

emergency room signWhen I was eagerly pregnant with my first, I devoured a library copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting with an open and trusting mind. Every twinge they described I felt keenly and every rare complication was one I considered. At some point, I found myself walking out into the living room and asking my husband, “Ari, could I have an ectopic pregnancy?”

I’m pretty sure his sigh and accompanying eye-roll were the most patronizing imaginable. He said I was too far along, and we’d “for sure” know if I had an ectopic pregnancy.

At the time, Ari was right, but this winter, his certainty was misplaced.

Three years later, as we found ourselves trying to conceive baby #2, my first cycle of trying came and went. I was not concerned–it had taken eight months to conceive our eldest–and I looked forward to going to the mikvah and my next chance. Read the rest of this entry →

Jun 18 2013

Five Things Not to Say When Someone is No Longer Expecting

By at 11:15 am

5 things not to say to someone who's no longer expectingTova decided to share her story about choosing to have a medical termination on Kveller, and now, she offers advice for what–and what not to–say to anyone who’s experienced a loss of pregnancy.

Despite the fact that pregnancy loss is so common, there still incredibly remains a veil of secrecy and stigma over speaking about it publicly, so people just don’t know how the heck to respond.

And so, after personal experience and informal research, I’d like to offer a guide on what and what not to to say to your friend, sister, wife, aunt, mother, neighbor, or colleague who just told you she lost a pregnancy. Read the rest of this entry →

Finally Opening Up About My Medical Termination

By at 9:40 am

doctor doing ultrasound pregnantThe courage of the anonymous writer who recently told her story about medical termination on Kveller, and the positive feedback she received from grateful readers, emboldened me to now share my own story, which few people know about beyond my family and close friends.

My second pregnancy seemed fairly uneventful; in hindsight, my lack of nausea was a clue I completely missed and for which, after serious morning sickness during my first pregnancy, I felt immensely thankful for.

At the 12-week mark, it was time for the sonogram. Read the rest of this entry →

Jun 6 2013

Coming to Terms with Medical Termination

By at 2:12 pm

doctors officeSince Kveller’s conception, we’ve held to a pretty strict policy against anonymous posts (the one previous exception, about being a Tay-Sachs carrier, can be found here). We’ve always felt that attaching real names to posts–especially those personal in nature–makes them even more powerful, and better allows for us to establish a real community and connection between our writers and readers. However, recently we were approached by a woman who wanted to share her experience with medical termination but did not feel comfortable attaching her name to it. We think this is an incredibly important and often overlooked topic, and decided to break our own rules and share it anonymously with you below. 

This summer I was supposed to be welcoming my second baby home. I’ve always kept this kind of information quiet, but when I went to my 12 week appointment and everything looked good I started to spread the news to close friends and family, put myself on the day care waiting list, and started gathering maternity clothes.

I had taken the day off of work and was happily working out on the elliptical machine when the music cut out with a call coming in from my midwife’s office. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” she asked. I jumped off the machine and ran to an empty room down the hall. “Your first trimester screen came back abnormal,” she told me, “and your odds of having a baby with Down Syndrome is 1 in 36.” She paused to let me take in the news. “Obviously that’s not the direction we wanted it to go.” Read the rest of this entry →


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