Pregnancy is wonderful in that people are usually kind when they see you waddling around with a human bowling ball tucked under your shirt. Doors are opened, seats are offered, and people give you that kind smile–the one that says, “Bless your heart but I’m glad I’m not you right about now.”

But after the baby is born you’re all stretched out like Gumby and leaking from your secondary sex characteristics and all people care about is what you were able to produce after nine months of eating and 10 hours of pushing. Sure, he’s adorable but Mama needs some love, too.

Here are a few gift suggestions for first time, and especially not-so-first-time Mamas.

1. Plants, Not Flowers: Give the new Mama an eco-friendly gift that will last longer than flowers and may actually improve her air quality. Green Your Air is a mama-owned company featuring chemical-filtering plants that naturally cleanse the air you breathe. The pots are made of bamboo fiber, rice husks, wheat straw, and corn stalks so they are biodegradable, nontoxic, and safe for any use. These little plants would be perfect on a window sill or in the nursery.

{For a limited time Green Your Air is giving Kveller readers 15% off their entire order! Use code KVELLER15 at checkout!} Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: featured, Gifts, new moms

NOT.

Apologies are seductive. Especially for a new mother, who finds her world suddenly spinning beyond her control, apologies are incredibly appealing. The trouble is that a new mother can also find herself always apologizing. Everything is a first, and nothing goes as she expected. Does she blame herself? And should she?

New mothers are barraged with advice. Most of it is useless, and some of it is obnoxious, but occasionally it’s wise.

I was scheduled to have a phone call with our local Jewish Family and Children’s Services representative on what turned out to be Lila’s birth date. When I finally connected with the woman in the weeks following, I apologized for being out of touch. “Don’t apologize,” she told me, “you’re a new mother. Everyone understands.” I was momentarily startled, but realized she was right.

Since May, this has been one of the best mothering pearls of wisdom I’ve heard. It’s important because I’ve lost count of how many times my plans have gone awry; I’ve been tempted to apologize, generally for things that don’t offend other people or aren’t my fault. It’s tough to fight your nature, when your general tendency is to be polite, but that makes this lesson crucial. Not apologizing is a survival skill in the jungle of early motherhood, learning to let go of all that you cannot control (which is most things).

With that, I’d like to introduce a new mother’s update to Passover’s Dayenu. Rather than “It would have been enough,” this is about saying, “It is enough, no more apologies.”

1. When it’s 7pm and I’ve accomplished nothing all day beyond feeding, changing, and naps, because newborns are labor-intensive. I will not apologize.

2. When I am 20 minutes late to a Mommy and Me class or play group because Lila was fussy, or we simply required more time than anticipated to get ready. I will not apologize. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: new moms, sorry