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May 1 2013

How to Announce Your Fifth Pregnancy When Your Friends are Still Trying for One

By at 2:23 pm

number five blockTen years ago, just before I turned 30, I left my nuchal appointment for my first child, went straight to my work computer, and quickly banged out an “I’m Going To Be A Mother!” email to send to my 5,000 closest friends.

Few of my friends back then were married, let alone having kids. I was a pioneer (I later went on to become a pioneer among my peers in divorce, of course), and an oblivious one. It didn’t occur to me that other people’s reaction to my news could possibly be anything but happiness (mildly uncomprehending happiness, perhaps, but happiness nonetheless). Read the rest of this entry →

Feb 28 2013

Twins Are Coming & I Am Freaking Out

By at 9:49 am

two bottles of formulaI am really starting to freak out. The logistics of having twins, a toddler, a house too small for all of us, and a home business to run is consuming me.

You see, we have no family around to help. The community here is wonderful, but they cannot possibly be here eight hours a day for several weeks as I heal from a probable C-section, attempt to nurse two newborns, and take care of my son who will be 2 1/2 years old. I won’t be able to lift much for six to eight weeks and I plan to strictly adhere to that. The possibility of popping stitches and hemorrhaging scares the shit out of me. It would be disastrous. My husband left to care for me (assuming I survive), two newborns, a toddler, and a business all to himself? He is indeed my Superman, but I don’t think even a superhero could juggle all of that! Read the rest of this entry →

Jan 24 2013

Single Mother By Choice: JDating While Pregnant

By at 10:12 am

When we last heard from her in October, Emily decided to go with IVF to become a single mother by choice. Today, we have an exciting update.

If you have spent any time on Jdate–or any other dating site, for that matter–you know that there are lots of checkboxes. You can check off that you are single, separated, divorced, or widowed. You can check a box that says you have children, or that you don’t. You can even identify if you want children or not. Recently, however, I have noticed that Jdate lacks a checkbox for expectant-single-mother-by-choice-still-actively-seeking-the-love-of-her-life. So, what’s a girl to do in the absence of such a perfect checkbox? Read the rest of this entry →

Nov 20 2012

And You Thought Getting Pregnant Was the Surprise

By at 10:01 am

ultrasound pregnant womanLast week, Cara shared with us that due to sheer will and obsessive fertility tracking, she was able to get pregnant. This week she shares the rest of her triumphant story.

I felt cautiously optimistic when those faint pink lines appeared.

I continued to POAS (pee on a stick) several times a day. I knew from my past experiences that a faint pink line could fade away after two or three days so I watched and waited tentatively to see if the lines would fade or get darker. My excitement grew with each slightly darker line, but I needed to see a doctor ASAP. I am considered high risk because of my miscarriage, chemical pregnancies, and age. My blood ought to be drawn every few days and my hormone levels checked to detect irregularities and nip any problem in the bud.  Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 15 2012

Inside the Mind of a Pregnant Woman Four Days Past Her Due Date

By at 4:19 pm
cirque du soleil acrobats

Cirque du Soleil acrobat, I am not.

The insanity only begins when you no longer recognize it as insanity. That’s the fundamental truth of parenting. And you’d think I’d know it by now. But no. It’s only with a few hours remove that I can look back at myself last night, sitting up in bed at 3 a.m., frantically Googling “leaking amniotic fluid” (note: there is no sign that I am doing anything other than “peeing like a racehorse,” as pregnant women with bladders the sizes of raisins tend to do) and think, GET A FREAKING GRIP.

Insanity, start your engines.

So as you’re aware, I was supposed to have this baby last Thursday. “Estimated due date,” my big pregnant ass.

“You’re STILL HERE?”–that’s a quote from basically Everyone On The Planet. Yes, that’s right–I am still here. I’m here performing a humanitarian mission, testing the capacity of innocent elastic waistbands of maternity pants worldwide. Read the rest of this entry →

Sep 21 2012

What Happens if the Rabbi’s Wife Gives Birth on Yom Kippur?

By at 11:42 am

pregnant woman holding applesMy husband and I started dating when we were 20 and 18. Not too long after that, we had a discussion about the size family we would like to have one day. At the time, he was living in an attic apartment above a family of six kids. He loved watching them interact and play with each other, as well as help each other when needed. So, he said he wanted six kids. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Me:  No, that’s just too many. Read the rest of this entry →

Jul 31 2012

Where Will This Baby Sleep?

By at 9:35 am

three car seatsOne night, my husband, Heath, and I talked about how the pace of life with two kids would be easier than three. We noted how cramped our bed becomes with two extra little people in it on Sunday mornings. Where would a third go?

I had just read a New York Times article about preserving the environment by having no more kids than would outnumber the parents in order to maintain, instead of increase, the carbon footprint. I thought it was a very solid argument. It helped to justify our satisfaction with two kids. Read the rest of this entry →

May 10 2012

Top Things People Say When Told I’m Having My Fourth (!) Kid

By at 9:38 am
minivan

Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

Yes, that’s right, boys and girls! I am thrilled to report that I’m pregnant and we will be having a new Kveller blog subject little girl, all going well (pu pu pu) in October, who will with great fanfare join her older two brothers and sister. I feel unbelievably grateful–having met and married each other late in life, my husband Jon and I are making up for lost time as quickly as we can.

When I told my two boys that we were going to have another baby, they were incredibly excited: “Now we EACH get to have our own baby!” Yes, boys, that’s why we did it, so that now, you will each get to have your own baby. Just think–in some families, kids get hamsters. Read the rest of this entry →

May 4 2012

Week 25: I Am Not a Yoga Goddess

By at 2:02 pm

prenatal yoga classAmong the many things I’ve been learning about my temperament and my body from being pregnant, I’ve discovered that I enjoy yoga. I always knew in theory that yoga was challenging and rewarding, but in practice the classes made me sleepy and at the end I always felt like that hour would have been better spent working up a sweat on a run. But now running doesn’t make me feel very good or accomplished, just crampy and stressed that I may have deprived my future child of oxygen or proper blood flow. So… yoga. Read the rest of this entry →

Jul 12 2011

Strong Women, Late Babies

By at 11:43 am

I come from a family of strong women, and my mother is the strongest woman I know. Holder of a PhD in Jewish education, she has created an utterly loving and functional family of uber-educated, smart, fun and happy Jews. Her students in every context, whether familial or professional, regard her with a combination of awe and fear.

When I was in high school, my mother was principal of a synagogue Hebrew school, and she asked me to fill in at the last minute for a teacher who would be absent. I realized seconds into the class that obviously, the regular teacher had had a nervous breakdown. The class was full of little third grade assholes who cared much more about being smart asses than being smart. I tried teaching them Jewish history, but to no avail. It was like something out of Dangerous Minds, but with braces and Benetton as opposed to gang signs and guns.

At one point, though, my mother walked in to give me a message. The second she appeared at the door, the little jerks ran back to their seats and sat ramrod straight in silence. My mother silently appraised the class and then left.

One jerk raised his hand. “She’s SCARY. Do you know what we call her, Jordana?”

Sitting on the front desk in that affected teacher-but-I’m-still-cool position, I raised my eyebrows. “What?”

He smiled. “The Terminator.” Everyone laughed.

“Do you know what *I* call her?” I said, leaning forward as though to divulge a confidence.

“No! What?” the class responded as one, eager for new dirt.

Taking a breath for dramatic effect, I said, “Mom.” Read the rest of this entry →

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