So, my wife works wayyyyy more than full time. She’s an elementary school principal. It gets better! She’s also currently eight months pregnant. So, even if she had a flexible schedule, she doesn’t have any energy left at the end of the week to make Shabbat. I run a part-time law practice out of a home office, but I shut it down at noon on Fridays.

Just about every week, I take my 18-month-old son to the store to get challah (unless I baked it myself). I buy flowers. I cook a meat dish, usually in the sous-vide cooker starting days in advance. I make a chopped salad with a dressing recipe I’ve evolved by making it every week. I make sure we have wine. I set the table and make sure there are bentshers (Grace after Meals booklets) for everyone. During the week, I’ve put it out to my friends that they’re welcome to join us as long as they give me some notice so I know how much food to make. On top of this, I sit at the head of the table, make Kiddush, sing the songs, and say the blessings, just like a traditional male should. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: dude week, friday night, gender roles, jewish traditions, shabbat

Russel Neiss’s wife, Rori Picker Neiss, is in school at Yeshivat Maharat. It’s the first institution to train Orthodox women as spiritual leaders and halakhic leaders. While his wife learns to be a Maharat, Russel is learning to be a Maharat’s husband.

I walked to the back of the synagogue clutching the overstuffed diaper bag under one arm and my screaming 10-month-old daughter in the other, and I wondered whether it was really worth it. This was her third diaper change since Shabbos services began that morning.

I’ve always liked taking her to synagogue. I especially loved those first few months where should would sleep through all of the morning prayers and the Torah service, only to awaken and cry at just the right moment before the rabbi’s sermon–thus affording me the perfect excuse to quickly exit, guilt-free.

The past few months have been different. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: dude week, Orthodox, shabbat, synagogue

My girls never wanted to co-sleep with us.

It’s been a big week here at Kveller.

Tamara Reese announced her second pregnancy, and Amy Deutsch was outed about hers. Jordana’s family was felled by ear infections and coxsackie virus, and Sarah Tuttle-Singer ran out of her beloved eye drops, which are apparently unavailable in Israel. (Anyone who has spent any significant time travelling can attest to how traumatic this can be.) Perhaps best of all, I braved my way to the Big Apple and got to see our editor Debbie Kolben interview Mayim Bialik about her new book. (Haven’t you heard? She’s got a book out. Oh, and she has sex in the kitchen. Just ask Barbara Walters—she’ll tell you all about it.) Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: Attatchment parenting, featured, Mayim Bialik, shabbat

Kveller talked to Lisa Borden, creator of Orb Candles and holistic marketing guru from Toronto. Orb candles are made of organic Manuka beeswax rather than paraffin. Lisa designed the candles to use on Shabbat, and considers them an actionable way to do tikkun olam–repairing the world. Here’s her thoughts on parenthood, $36 candles, and the environment.

1. What inspired you to start Orb?

My kids – I think that’s my inspiration for everything! I am not only a Jewish mother of 3, but I am also the owner of Borden Communications + Design Inc., where I commit myself daily to improving the quality of our health and the environment through business development and consulting. When I would gather around my family Shabbat table on Friday nights (a time I adore, marking the end of a usually hectic week), I couldn’t understand how in order to honor Shabbat, we were supposed to damage our world and our health by lighting toxic candles. It seemed very natural for me to want to raise awareness about the dangers of conventional candles, and how dangerous it can be to overlook them. But, I quickly realized there wasn’t an option on the market that was easily available and truly safe–so, being focused on solutions, and in marketing and design, I set into action to create a safe, healthy and beautiful Shabbat candle. Simple! Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: environment, Jewish interviews, shabbat, Shabbat candles, tikkun olam

Bialy: just as good as challah.

One night, at dinner, my 3-year-old son suddenly said “Shabbat Shalom.” My husband and I both looked up with a start. I quickly managed to put together that it had been music class day at his school (which is at a temple) and he was repeating “Shabbat Shalom” from a song he had learned. This led to a conversation about Shabbat. He has only experienced it at my parents’ house and one Tot Shabbat at his school. We figured we would “do” Shabbat, eventually, when the kids got older and it was more important to their Jewish learning. He wanted to do it now. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Traditions
• Tags: friday night, jewish preschool, shabbat

Two years ago today, I became a mother. I could get all mushy and nostalgic about how my baby is no longer a baby, how time flies, and that I should have treasured the moments more–and perhaps all of those things are true. Except I did treasure them.  I absolutely savored each moment and I wallowed in the gore and glory of new motherhood. I wrote, cried, celebrated, and talked about being a mother to anyone willing to listen. I love being a mother, I relish in being a full-time stay at home Mama and you can go ahead and slap me for being one of “those people”; I have my complaints but the rewards are far greater. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: birthdays, friday night, motherhood, shabbat

My husband is an entrepreneur who runs his own company, and I’m a doctoral candidate. This means that five to six nights each week, he comes home from work just as I’m getting the girls in bed. We’ll have a quick dinner together, and then we both sit down in front of our respective computers to get some more work done before we get in bed way too late. Our conversations tend to be more like updates than discussions; he’ll tell me how much the car repair bill is, I’ll remind him that we have to get up early in the morning to make lunch for the girls. It’s not much of a connection, to be honest. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: featured, Marriage, shabbat, unplugging, valentine's day

I recently was told about this really cool project, the six-word memoir. Now, many of you have probably already heard of it–sometimes I can be behind the times–but if not, it’s pretty self-explanatory. How to write a six-word memoir? Sum up your life in six words. (There’s a whole Jewish section on the site, with way more than I can get into now, but my favorite one might be: “Didn’t get Seinfeld ’til met in-laws,” by Liz Nord.)

If the memoir part of it is too much, it might be easier to start with a six-word day. For me, today looks like this: Playgroup, nap, Shabbat, ladies night out! (That last bit is a rarity, for sure.) You also can use verbs, of course: Stop hitting friends, time to leave. In case you were curious, that one’s based on playgroup–not ladies night out!

But it occurred to me, as I thought about this, that the way I talk to my 2.5-year-old is often in a similar manner to the six-word memoir. She needs things to be simple, clear, and easy to follow. The beauty of the six-word memoir, however, is the depth within those six words. And more and more, my little one is starting to understand depth and meaning. Not a lot–she’s still only 2 and a half–but she’s getting it. (Can I kvell you an example? The other day, we were listening to music. She asked, “What music is this?” My husband said, “It’s by a band called Phish.” She said, “Dada, I listen to seahorse.” Hysterical, yet meaningful, all at once. To distill to six words: Daddy’s band: Phish. Abigail prefers Seahorse.)

Six words seems especially appropriate as we near the end of the week–after all, Jewishly, the work-week is six days long before we get to rest and relax on Shabbat. So my six words for this Shabbat? Family nap deliciousness and dinner out.

What are your six words for this Shabbat? Share them with us below.

• Posted in Traditions
• Tags: friday night, shabbat, six-word memoir

Shabbat shalom, indeed.

Over the summer we moved from Brownstone Brooklyn to suburban Florida. While our three children are thrilled about year-round pool and playground access (which actually is pretty awesome), for me it’s been a rough transition.

I miss my friends. I miss my kids’ friends. I miss my kids’ schools. I miss the front porch of our 100-year old house. I miss being able to walk a few hundred feet to get a coffee, a light bulb, or a manicure.

So yes, I complain about our new home. A lot. Luckily for those obligated to listen to me, though, there is one 25-hour period each week when I cease all Florida bashing. See, on Shabbat, I kind of love it here. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Traditions
• Tags: Autism, friday night, Moving, shabbat

Nothing like a ritual to wake you up.

Last Friday I paced in the kitchen of our tiny apartment, waiting for Avi and Maya to wake up from their nap. Generally, I’ll do anything to ensure that they keep sleeping (including but not limited to: blasting sound machines, forcing my husband to sit on the porch for the duration of their nap time because he makes too much noise walking around, and posting a sign on our front door, imploring delivery people and neighbors not to ring our bell). But on Fridays, we go for coffee when they wake from that a.m. nap, and I realized as I kept checking the clock on my cell phone and listening for sounds at their bedroom door, I really look forward to it. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Traditions
• Tags: rituals, shabbat, Twins