“Um…what do you do at night…you know… when you want to be together?” asked my friend who was pushing her first child’s stroller as I pushed my fourth child in his.

She knew I left the door open at night, that the kids often came into bed with us, that as infants, they slept with me all night.

“I lock the door.”

“Oh, makes sense,” she replied, almost meekly.

I loved having my kids in bed with us but there were times, of course, that their parents needed to be alone together.

This concept is known as “privacy.”

In an era of TMI and oversharing, it might be a good policy to review.

Of course, I did not pee in private for about 15 years as I raised my kids. And now that I take care of my grandchildren frequently, there are times I am demonstrating to yet another generation what it means to use the toilet. But, in the immortal words of James Marshall’s hippos, George and Martha, “There is such a thing as PRIVACY, you know!”

We take for granted that we need to teach our kids to share – Elmo, Big Bird and friends talk about it all the time. And we do, too, especially when screaming and pulling are involved. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: modesty, privacy, sharing

Mayim Bialik's two sons, Miles and Fred.

When I found out I was having a second boy (my older son, Miles was 2 when I got pregnant), I was thrilled. I love raising boys and I think that, as a non-feminine female who has no clue how to handle adult women who like shopping and manicures much less a 3-foot tall version of that incarnation, raising boys suits me. I envisioned my boys playing together peacefully and lovingly, making each other better people because they had each other. I pictured David and Jonathan from the Torah, but without the gay innuendo most people like to insinuate.

Anyway.

Fred was born in our living room as Miles watched from his highchair, and Miles loved Fred by ignoring him for the better part of two years. He was never mean to him or aggressive with him (he saved that for us), but he did not find anything interesting about Fred. Except that Fred got to nurse and he wanted to start up again.

Anyway.

Cut to Fred at 3 and Miles at 6. There’s been a lot of kvetching, to be honest. A lot of “Fred, NOOO!” or “Fred STOP!” and also “Fre-ed!” (with two syllables devoted to that vowel, first high, then low; like a true teenager-in-training).

Fred is a very late talker, but he learned how to communicate with me. About six months ago, Fred and Miles were playing within my line of vision, but I was tucked away in the kitchen. I saw anger from Miles over Fred wanting a toy. Then he pushed Fred. Not hard, but hard enough so that Fred’s feelings were hurt and he started to cry. Fred came to me and pantomimed exactly what happened. Miles, not knowing I had seen the whole incident, played it off well, like a true thespian (he is, after all, my son), but I informed him that the day had come when Fred’s reporting had surpassed Miles’ fibbing.

Anyway.

They have finally started to play together after a long period of me waiting and wondering if it was ever going to happen.

Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: brothers, Mayim Bialik, sharing, siblings

Why would you ever want to share your birthday?

My husband and I have birthdays that are only six days apart. Which, when we first got together, was annoying. Because who ever wants to share a birthday? (I mean, I guess some people don’t mind, but it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to do.) I might have been known for forcing our friends to celebrate twice within a one-week period so that I didn’t have to share my birthday.

And then I had a child. Suddenly, I got better at sharing. After all, I have a kid who takes food off my plate, who gets to choose what tv we watch, and whose sleeping schedule dictates when I’m allowed to leave the house. I just can’t be as selfish about birthdays anymore–or anything else, for that matter.

So this year we’re sharing our birthday celebration. We’re getting one fancy night out. Getting to go out (with free grandparent babysitting!) is such a treat that I’m willing to share it. We can let the waiters sing to both of us at the same time, even. And though we’re going on on Saturday night, I’m going to spend all of Shabbat anticipating. Because after all, it is my birthday (celebrated). I’m allowed to take one evening to have my life be (almost) all  about me again, right?

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: birthday, friday night, night out, sharing

Welcome to our new Ask Bubbe advice column. Remember, if you’ve got any parenting-related questions, we’ve found a woman who’s been through it all, so send any and all questions to info@kveller.com.

Dear Bubbe,
My 2-year-old daughter frequently grabs toys out of other children’s hands without asking first.  She’s verbal enough to use her words, but sometimes she gets so excited about the toy that she just snatches it away.  How should I respond?
Thanks,
Carla

Dear Carla,

Darling, I don’t want to belittle your problem, but repeat after me: she is only 2. She is only 2. She is only 2.

• Posted in Baby & Toddler
• Tags: Ask a Bubbe, sharing