May 2 2013
By Emily Wolper at 1:41 pm
We’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. She is now 32 weeks pregnant.
For most of my life, I have had a strong attraction to men who could be described as wiry, nerdy types. I dated lots of guys who wore smaller jeans than I did and it might have seemed that spectacles were a requirement for the men I chose. In fact, at one point, when my sister and I were playing Hodel and Tzeitel in a regional production of Fiddler on the Roof, she joked that I had taken my search for a modern day Motel the Tailor a little too far! Read the rest of this entry →
Apr 30 2013
By Emily Wolper at 9:45 am
We’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. She is now 32 weeks pregnant.
Something happened back in October that I was too nervous to share at the time. It was the day before my embryo transfer. I was scheduled to be in the city in meetings for most of the day, but in the morning, I did some work from home and had a phone call with a potential new client.
The call went very well. We spoke for about an hour and I learned a lot about this mom and her sophomore son. He sounded like a great kid. I explained my work and how I would help her family and her son navigate the college admissions process from both a strategic and human development viewpoint. The mom asked several thoughtful questions. She also mentioned to me that she was a business consultant and had some strong opinions about what would work best for her son. She signed off saying she would likely be back in touch the following week to set up our first meeting. Read the rest of this entry →
Jan 24 2013
By Emily Wolper at 10:12 am
When we last heard from her in October, Emily decided to go with IVF to become a single mother by choice. Today, we have an exciting update.
If you have spent any time on Jdate–or any other dating site, for that matter–you know that there are lots of checkboxes. You can check off that you are single, separated, divorced, or widowed. You can check a box that says you have children, or that you don’t. You can even identify if you want children or not. Recently, however, I have noticed that Jdate lacks a checkbox for expectant-single-mother-by-choice-still-actively-seeking-the-love-of-her-life. So, what’s a girl to do in the absence of such a perfect checkbox? Read the rest of this entry →
Oct 16 2012
By Emily Wolper at 2:19 pm
Over the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she talks about what this means for her dating life.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the dating implications of becoming a single mother by choice.
It has always been my dream to find a wonderful man, fall in love, get married, buy a charming colonial in the suburbs, and make a bunch of babies. As you know if you’ve been reading this blog, things haven’t taken that path for me. I’m 37, single, and trying to become a mother. Read the rest of this entry →
Oct 12 2012
By Emily Wolper at 10:40 am
Over the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she talks about making the move from IUI to IVF.
Last year on Yom Kippur, the rabbi at my synagogue offered a sermon that was themed “Recalculate Your Route.” It was a moving sermon, and to emphasize his point, he passed out carabiners with little compasses that said “Recalculate Route.” Very clever!
That fall, I was very pensive, thinking about my life at 36. I was focused on the fact that I was not yet married and so eager not only to find my partner in life, but also to begin my journey of motherhood. Read the rest of this entry →
Sep 13 2012
By Emily Wolper at 3:30 pm
Over the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she adds some superstitions into the equation.
I am Jewish, which, in my family, also means I am superstitious. Sadly, my maternal grandmother died before I was born, but she definitely left her mark. My mother is superstitious. She says, “puh, puh, puh” after any comment that may reflect happiness or good fortune because, God forbid, mentioning it might make it go away. So much for the laws of attraction! Read the rest of this entry →
Sep 6 2012
By Emily Wolper at 9:38 am
Tonight my dad mentioned that when he was reading about the hurricane in Florida and saw the words “storm surge,” he thought of “hormone surge” and wondered how I was feeling that afternoon. When he told me about this word association I laughed and jumped over to my laptop, just as he was asking me to keep him “anonymous” in my blog posts. I have read that family support is vital in the process of becoming a single mother by choice, and I believe I am living proof of that. Read the rest of this entry →
Aug 28 2012
By Emily Wolper at 1:10 pm
Last week, Emily shared her story about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she tells us about another important decision: choosing the donor.
If you get option anxiety from wading through the pages of Jdate or Match.com, I suggest you call in reinforcements if you ever decide to get pregnant using donor sperm.
There are many cyrobanks, as they are called, with huge databases of men who have donated their sperm (“donated” for money, to be clear) for the cause of people who want to have babies but, for one reason or another, lack sperm. In my case, I lack sperm because I lack a man–for the moment! Choosing donor sperm is apparently a major sticking point for many women who consider becoming single mothers by choice. I’ve heard tales of women who spend a year or more trying to choose a donor. Read the rest of this entry →
Aug 23 2012
By Emily Wolper at 6:10 am
As I sang my way down the Garden State Parkway, beach bound and gleeful, I tried not to think about what I was hoping was happening inside my body.
“No day but today!” I sang at the top of my voice, feeling the truth of Larson’s poignant lyrics. Like a true musical theater kid, I was channeling my intense feelings through song. It had only been an hour since I had had my first IUI (intra uterine insemination) and I was feeling the power of the moment. Everyone told me not to expect anything to happen on the first try. My doctor explained at my very first visit that there would be a 20% chance of a pregnancy with each attempt, just like nature. Read the rest of this entry →
