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May 7 2014

This Mother’s Day, Let’s Reach Out to the Moms Who Are Going it Alone

By at 12:10 pm

flowers

Five years ago on Mother’s Day, I didn’t know my husband yet. I knew my ex-husband, for sure. And I knew that I was living with my unbelievably kind parents–they took me in when I got divorced when my boys were 3 and 2 years old, respectively. I knew I was one of the lucky ones: I had an emotional and economic safety net that kept me safe from the sharks of self-doubt, poverty and loneliness.

And I knew I still felt lonely.

I had so many people who loved me, yet, I felt alone. And when Mother’s Day ads started showing up in stores and online, I chose to focus on finding the right words and gift for my own mother. I changed the focus of the day to her, rather than me. Read the rest of this entry →

Mar 5 2014

Since Becoming A Single Mom By Choice, My Idea of True Love Has Evolved

By at 4:27 pm

huppah

Imagine the scene yesterday: I needed to find one piece of paper, a particular form that will accelerate the process of renewing my daughter’s passport before we travel to the United States this July, for my younger brother’s wedding.

List-maker and Type A that I am, I thought I had the perfect system in place, and that finding this form would be easy-peasy. One hour later, I had opened every file cabinet and folder and drawer in the house, with a forest worth of paperwork covering every available space in the living room. My entire bureaucratic history in Israel exposed, the last 17 years of job applications, funny newspaper articles, and editorial cartoons from the New York Times, and all the fantasies I had constructed: the new car I cannot afford, the Canyon Ranch spa that represents the vacation I so desperately need, the novel I started one night after a particularly inspiring dream.

After another hour of digging through the chaos, I found the passport file, right next to THE WEDDING BOOK. Several envelopes containing a full set of plans for my Israel wedding, from the caterer to the diamond ring to the chocolatier, to the list of potential and acceptable music which would accompany me down the aisle (Either orchestral “Field of Dreams” soundtrack or “One Heart” from “West Side Story”). All the contact information was there, ready to be activated should I get engaged, if I were getting married ten years ago; I am fairly certain that most of these people in the “field of happy occasions” have changed their numbers by now. Apparently we–my potential husband and I–were planning on traveling to the Far East for our honeymoon. Read the rest of this entry →

Aug 23 2013

Single Mother By Choice: Dating When You Still Look Pregnant

By at 9:29 am
baby jeans

My daughter has jeans that fit… but I don’t.

We’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. Her daughter is now 6 weeks old.  

Today I went shopping at Destination Maternity–again.

No, you didn’t read that wrong. Yes, I had my wonderful little baby girl six weeks ago. We’re having a great time getting to know one another. She is smiley, wiggly, and wonderful. She even sleeps for long chunks of time at night–knock on wood! But, she left me with a very stretched out uterus. In fact, my OB recently told me that I still have a 10 week sized uterus.

Big deal, so does Kate Middleton and she’s being photographed by paparazzi every day. Still, there is one thing that Kate and I don’t have in common. OK, fine, more than one thing! But, there is one difference that makes my experience of this still-pregnant-looking-body a more serious matter. I’m single. Read the rest of this entry →

May 2 2013

I’m Pregnant & Now Find Strong Men Very Sexy

By at 1:41 pm

strong sexy man backWe’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. She is now 32 weeks pregnant.  

For most of my life, I have had a strong attraction to men who could be described as wiry, nerdy types. I dated lots of guys who wore smaller jeans than I did and it might have seemed that spectacles were a requirement for the men I chose. In fact, at one point, when my sister and I were playing Hodel and Tzeitel in a regional production of Fiddler on the Roof, she joked that I had taken my search for a modern day Motel the Tailor a little too far!  Read the rest of this entry →

Apr 30 2013

A Potential Client Told Me I Shouldn’t Become a Mother

By at 9:45 am

bad phone callWe’ve been following along with Emily on her path to becoming a single mother by choice. She is now 32 weeks pregnant.  

Something happened back in October that I was too nervous to share at the time. It was the day before my embryo transfer. I was scheduled to be in the city in meetings for most of the day, but in the morning, I did some work from home and had a phone call with a potential new client.

The call went very well. We spoke for about an hour and I learned a lot about this mom and her sophomore son. He sounded like a great kid. I explained my work and how I would help her family and her son navigate the college admissions process from both a strategic and human development viewpoint. The mom asked several thoughtful questions. She also mentioned to me that she was a business consultant and had some strong opinions about what would work best for her son. She signed off saying she would likely be back in touch the following week to set up our first meeting.  Read the rest of this entry →

Jan 24 2013

Single Mother By Choice: JDating While Pregnant

By at 10:12 am

When we last heard from her in October, Emily decided to go with IVF to become a single mother by choice. Today, we have an exciting update.

If you have spent any time on Jdate–or any other dating site, for that matter–you know that there are lots of checkboxes. You can check off that you are single, separated, divorced, or widowed. You can check a box that says you have children, or that you don’t. You can even identify if you want children or not. Recently, however, I have noticed that Jdate lacks a checkbox for expectant-single-mother-by-choice-still-actively-seeking-the-love-of-her-life. So, what’s a girl to do in the absence of such a perfect checkbox? Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 16 2012

Single Mother By Choice: I Still Want to Find My Man

By at 2:19 pm

man and woman holding handsOver the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she talks about what this means for her dating life.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the dating implications of becoming a single mother by choice.

It has always been my dream to find a wonderful man, fall in love, get married, buy a charming colonial in the suburbs, and make a bunch of babies. As you know if you’ve been reading this blog, things haven’t taken that path for me. I’m 37, single, and trying to become a mother. Read the rest of this entry →

Oct 12 2012

Single Mother By Choice: I’m Going With IVF

By at 10:40 am

compass

Over the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she talks about making the move from IUI to IVF.

Last year on Yom Kippur, the rabbi at my synagogue offered a sermon that was themed “Recalculate Your Route.” It was a moving sermon, and to emphasize his point, he passed out carabiners with little compasses that said “Recalculate Route.” Very clever!

That fall, I was very pensive, thinking about my life at 36. I was focused on the fact that I was not yet married and so eager not only to find my partner in life, but also to begin my journey of motherhood. Read the rest of this entry →

Sep 13 2012

Single Mother By Choice: Very Superstitious

By at 3:30 pm

evil eye beadsOver the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she adds some superstitions into the equation.

I am Jewish, which, in my family, also means I am superstitious. Sadly, my maternal grandmother died before I was born, but she definitely left her mark. My mother is superstitious. She says, “puh, puh, puh” after any comment that may reflect happiness or good fortune because, God forbid, mentioning it might make it go away. So much for the laws of attraction! Read the rest of this entry →

Sep 6 2012

Single Mother By Choice: Thank God for Family

By at 9:38 am

palm trees in hurricaneTonight my dad mentioned that when he was reading about the hurricane in Florida and saw the words “storm surge,” he thought of “hormone surge” and wondered how I was feeling that afternoon. When he told me about this word association I laughed and jumped over to my laptop, just as he was asking me to keep him “anonymous” in my blog posts. I have read that family support is vital in the process of becoming a single mother by choice, and I believe I am living proof of that. Read the rest of this entry →

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