Liz and her two sons.

“I see your daughter’s enjoying the tractor today,” said an overcompensating stay-at-home dad whose son was busy zooming around the room on the back of the plastic fire truck.

My daughter was 2 and we were at a toddler class. There were a bunch of toys huddled in one corner and the rest of the room was left open for a handful of play cars, grocery carts, and doll strollers. The dad and I stood on the sideline having one of those conversations parents of toddlers have: attention divided, no eye-contact necessary.

“Yeah,” I said. “She loves those ride-on toys.”

“You’re lucky most of the boys aren’t here!” he called out to my daughter, Hot Shot, cupping his hands around his mouth. “You’d never get a chance if they were.”

My daughter was out of earshot; his message was really for me. And I was livid. Because it was true what he said.  She was getting a longer turn than usual that day. And there were a number of boys who monopolized the ride-on toys. But more to the point, there were a number of parents who let their boys monopolize the ride on toys. He being one of them.

But I didn’t take him on, because you can’t win that argument, not when you don’t have a boy of your own. I’d learned that by then. Parents of boys insist their sons are hardwired for hording and destruction, and since I had no exhibit B to disprove them, I knew they would continue to dismiss me. So I held back my judgmental parent tirade and threw a half-hearted comeback pretending, like him, that the rolly toy shortage was our children’s problem, not ours.

“I think she can hold her own,” I shot back. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Baby & Toddler
• Tags: boys, gender, toddlers

Yeah, this happens a lot these days.

The importance of napping to toddlers is well-documented. It gives their growing bodies a rest and chance to recharge. And that’s pretty much why naps are important to parents, too. Not naps for parents. Naps for their toddlers. When the kids sleep, we get a chance to rest and recharge, too. I learned this the hard way today when my toddler, Ellie, decided not to nap.

You know the saying you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone? I didn’t realize just how much I depend on her naps. It’s my two hours of the day to check e-mail, write, conduct interviews, clean the house and stay seated in a comfortable chair for more than 30 seconds at a stretch. And today my 120 minutes of no-toddler time were spent listening to said toddler talk, cry, talk, cry, talk in the monitor. No amount of soothing, rocking, tickling or pathetic begging (from me; hers eventually made me crack) made a dent.

I’ll probably never know what caused her sleeplessness today. She should have been good and tired out after running around an outdoor playground all morning at a preschool meet-and-greet ahead of the start of the school year. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: growing up too fast, napping, Preschool, sleep, toddlers

"I sweat my buns off to a trashy Ke$ha remix while watching Regis on closed caption...I had more energy, dealt with his tantrums better and overall just felt, stronger."

I’m super attached to my child and not just in an “attached-parenting” sort of way.

My husband works insane hours and we have no family nearby so I’m pretty much the sole caretaker of our little guy. I love that he’s my constant companion from the time I wake up until the time I rock him to sleep at night. We share breakfast, lunch and dinner, stories and play dates, happy days and cranky ones. But as toddlerhood rears its bi-polar head, I find myself needing a “Mama time-out”. Perhaps he’s bored with me or just wants to push my buttons to get a nice big reaction out of me. I swear I say, “that’s not for babies” FIVE HUNDRED TIMES A DAY or “Yuckies, give to Mama!” before he pops a cat turd in his mouth. Diaper changes? Forget it. Try Mama-baby wrestling sessions complete with pooh-flinging and powder clouds. And if I dare open my laptop or talk on the phone the result is complete hysterics.

Mama needs a time-out? More like Mama needs to snort some Xanax, take a 20 minute shower and then pound a bottle of cheap wine while watching Bachelor Pad.

Instead, I broke down and went to the gym. I need a way to vent my frustration and he needs some fresh faces in his day so I figured it was time to try the baby drop-off. I fret over what a selfish bitch I was to abandon my child just so I could have thinner thighs, wondering if he knew how horrible is was going to be when I took him to a room full of toys and strangers and LEFT HIM THERE. I pictured him sobbing in the arms of some poor high school girl while I sweat my buns off to a trashy Ke$ha remix while watching Regis on closed caption. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: exercise, sick kids, toddlers

Somtimes you just want what you want. My poor toddler doesn't know how to ask for it.

Over the past two weeks my son has mastered the art of walking (finally!) and temper tantrums (already?)  They actually go together quite seamlessly when he’s “toddling” past the bathroom for the billionth time that day exclaiming, “tee!” and after I tell him that we can’t brush our teeth a billion times a day he immediately collapses into a pile of limp baby mush and screams at the top of his lungs. That is, until he forgets why he’s upset and proceeds to eat a piece of lint off of the carpet.

He’s actually quite predictable, in a bipolar sort of way.

The only kind of cheese he will eat is Kraft American and only if it’s served at the beginning of a meal. It must be placed directly in his mouth and not on the tray or he’ll mush it up and throw it on the floor and if a different food is introduced before he’s done, he won’t eat any more cheese that day. When I put him in the bathtub he immediately relaxes and pees all over himself while proudly declaring “pooh-pooh!” (because right now, poop, farts, pee and penis are all “pooh-pooh” to him) and then asks to brush his teeth. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: talking, tantrums, toddlers

CNN published an editorial yesterday–Permissive parents: curb your brats– that is getting mixed reviews. I agree with some of the commentary (i.e. there are kid-free cruises and resorts for a reason) but the overall tone that children should be spanked, seen and not heard, and not tolerated in restaurants, airplanes, and grocery stores turns me off a bit. I understand he’s mostly referencing “unruly” children, but doesn’t every child act like Charlie Sheen every now and again? Since having a baby I’ve become more sympathetic to other parents and I wish I had done it sooner.

The notion that children are “mini” adults and should behave as such is downright bonkers. One of my favorite new-mama questions is, “Is he sleeping through the night?” To which my response is, “No. he isn’t. He’s also not cooking or balancing my checkbook yet, the little slacker!” And it totally irks me when fellow passengers comment on how adorable my baby is AT THE END of an episode-free flight. They are babies/toddlers/children and should be welcomed and celebrated as such.

Likewise, we as parents shouldn’t be discouraged from leaving the house for fear our child might act up and g-d forbid, disturb someone’s tranquil life. There are days when my son is tearing through the house like a screaming banshee and all I can think about is where I can take him to offer a change in scenery (and adult interaction or a alcoholic caffeinated beverage)

The night we moved to Pittsburgh we were exhausted and desperate for a bite to eat. With our tired 3-month-old in tow, we walked over to a local grill well known for its salads and burgers. Upon entering, a gentleman in a tie welcomed us told us that strollers were NOT ALLOWED. We understood the restaurant was small so we folded it up and put it under the coat rack. He was obviously disappointed we didn’t leave and reluctantly let us stow our baby carrier. He showed us to a table mumbling something about not having a high chair. By this time our infant was swaddled and sleeping in my arms. Does that sound like a child who needs a high chair? The man begrudgingly sat us next to tables of well-groomed couples sipping wine and picking at appetizers while they chatted about politics or weather. The kinds of people we were merely three months prior. We ate and apologized when our son fussed and left feeling rushed and annoyed. Needless to say, we won’t be going back. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Baby & Toddler
• Tags: restaurants, toddlers

What, your toddler doesn't go to sleep with a smile on her face? Talk to Batya.

Sleep. It’s the problem that plagues all parents. We’re not getting enough of it because our children aren’t getting enough of it. Help is on its way! Israeli sleep coach Batya Sherizen is taking questions from Kveller readers. Send your problems to info@kveller.com.

Dear Batya,

Our 2-year-old seems to be in the phase where she is having difficulties falling asleep at night when she naps during the day. We tried taking away her naps completely, but after four days- she was exhausted and had caught a cold. The only benefit was she went to bed at 7 and slept until the next morning. Now, she naps, goes to bed most nights at 9:30 p.m. and still wakes up at 6:30 a.m. It just doesn’t seem like  enough sleep for a little one. Or for our little one. We would appreciate an earlier bed time so that she is better rested, but she just won’t fall asleep. I’m starting to believe 2-year-olds don’t sleep. Any thoughts?

Dear Gaela,

Each child is different in her own individual way, and especially in her sleep needs.  There are children who stop taking naps as early as 2 years of age and some who still need one at 4 years old.  Statistically, however, most children stop napping in the afternoon at around 2½-3 years old. A telltale sign that a child is ready to give up naps is when she starts sleeping less at night—which is precisely what is happening with her.  Instead of eliminating her nap cold turkey, however, I would recommend readjusting her sleep cycle by simply decreasing the amount of sleep she gets during the day.  If, for example, her nap is normally 2 hours, try shortening it to 1 hour or 1.5 hours.  By doing this, the lost sleep from the day will transfer to the night, and she will begin fighting bedtime less and sleeping longer.

Additionally, early rising with toddlers is most commonly caused by over-tiredness, so you should definitely aim for an earlier bedtime. Generally, most children her age need approximately 4-5 hours between waking from the nap and bedtime itself so ensure you space it out correctly.

Stick with these two ideas for at least week and then readjust accordingly – but don’t rush her and ensure that you follow her cues…you can most definitely get her back on track!

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: naps, sleep, sleep coach, toddlers

"Honey, there's no ice cream in there. The kids are just listening to nice music." Painting by Jeff Zimmermann

I lie to my daughters. I’m shameless about it. I lie to them at least once a day (and that’s on a good day). There are so many great reasons to lie to your kids—a little fib can help avoid (or end) a tantrum, it can be a useful way to quickly set a limit or encourage a behavior, it’s often easier than giving the real explanation, and let’s be honest folks, it’s just plain fun. That’s right, sometimes I lie to my kids because it makes me happy.

Between toddler meltdowns, early-morning infant wake-ups, poopy diapers, meal refusals, and constant requests for the “Wheels on the Bus” song, these kids are running the show. If a little white lie makes me feel like I have the upper hand every once in a while, I’m all for it.

(Just to be clear, I lie to both the toddler and the baby. I know that my 11-month-old doesn’t understand, but the 2-year-old sure does, and I want her to know that I mistreat both my children equally.)

Before I educate you on the art of deception, let’s consider what Judaism has to say on the matter. Yes, we all know not bearing false witness is one of the Big Ten, but honoring thy mother and father is also high on that list, and it’s not like I’m getting a whole lot of that around here these days. (And if you really believe that two wrongs don’t make a right, then you clearly don’t live with toddlers.) However, there may be another loophole for those of us with our pants on fire. The Talmud tells us that deception is permissible for a few reasons, including in the interest of peace. I can think of no higher purpose for my lies than peace, even just a few minutes. Or even 60 seconds. Really.

So, rest assured you that you can fib away, and still be a Good Jew. Here are some of my favorite lies:

1.  “Yes, dear, we’ll do it tomorrow.” In our house, tomorrow is toddler-talk for “sometime in the future” and Mommy-talk for “never.” By the time tomorrow rolls around, the kid has already forgotten about the zoo or ice cream or going shopping for Hello Kitty underwear, or whatever it is she was obsessing about the day before. On the off chance she hasn’t forgotten, I just trot out the lie again. It’s quite handy really.

2. “We’re all out of [plain noodles, strawberries, crackers—insert toddler’s favorite food here].” Now, this isn’t always a lie, but it often is. It’s a great way to avoid power struggles over food, because if we just don’t have the food, well, it’s not Mommy’s fault—that’s just the way it is. This lie is often followed by, “Yes, Mommy will go to the store tomorrow.”

3. “You can’t play with that toy because it needs to take a nap right now.” This one is a lifesaver when the little anklebiter wants to play with (ie., not share) her favorite toy during a play date. It works every time

4. “Caillou eats eggs.” Now, obviously you can tailor this particular fabrication to whatever whiny little TV brat your child is currently obsessed with, along with the rejected food du jour. I’m struggling to get protein (and vegetables and really anything that isn’t noodles, berries, or crackers) into the kid, but now she inhales eggs like their ice cream. Speaking of which…

5. “The ice cream shop is closed today.” This lie is also closely related to “Actually, sweetie, that’s a music truck that just pulled up to the park on this hot day. The kids are all lined up to hear the pretty music.” (I can’t take credit for this one—I got the idea from a friend, and I think it’s brilliant.)

Now, if you’re really committed to deceiving your children, you may need to utilize some advanced techniques. My sister (who is a master in the art of lying to children, and a true inspiration to me) once had our brother call her son and pretend to be a fireman. He told our nephew that all firemen take naps. The kid was asleep within 20 minutes. Genius. Pure genius.

So, there you have it. I lie to my kids, and God willing, I’ll be lying to them for years to come. But at least I’m honest about it.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: food, toddlers