These days, it's my job to bring home the (kosher) bacon.

I never set out to be the breadwinner in my home. And yet, for six years running, I’ve been bringing home the bacon. With all the publicity around the new book The Richer Sex: How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners Is Transforming Sex, Love and Family, I’ve discovered that–although I sometimes feel like the only breadwinner-ette on the block, I’m apparently part of a rising trend. So I thought I’d share my side of the story.

I work for a non-profit organization. My husband (as he will gladly tell you) has gobs of earning potential, and pulled down six figures for a while in the early aughts. But for the better part of the last decade he’s been pursuing a PhD in astrophysics, earning a Graduate Research Assistant “salary” while I make more than double that in non-profit work. With his more flexible schedule he also does more than his share of the childcare, errands and housework. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: salary, stay at home dads, work, work-life balance, working moms

Why isn't it Amazon Parent?

People seem to think that my husband is an anomaly. He has spent the last three years splitting our parenting duties evenly, spending a day a week with our children and working the other four days. He took advantage of a program at his company that allowed him to have this schedule and, when he left it to start his own business, we made sure that he was still able to do it. He builds ramps out of cardboard boxes, teaches my son about cooking, encourages my daughter to cruise by tempting her with Cheerios, and adds little quirky things to our lives like “Twinkle Alligator” (the creative version of “Twinkle, Twinkle” that we sing to my son every night).

To me, none of this seems so strange. What does seem strange is when my husband comes home from dropping our son off at preschool and tells me that a woman stopped him on the street to congratulate him for spending time with his child…again. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: Dads, dude week, work-life balance

Gentlewomen of the jury: I used to spend time with my kids. Honestly. Lots of time. Backyard-soccer-and-creating-family-newspapers-and-weird-board-games kind of time.

Don’t do that so much anymore.

Nowadays, when we do fun stuff, like this Gordon Family Pie Fight, it has to be scheduled after office hours or on the weekend.

Y’see, for the last decade or so, I had been a freelance writer and editor, working most of the time at home. Then, in January 2011, I got a full-time office job.

Back in the vocational day, I pretty much always had time to drop off and pick the pishers up at school. I would also hang out and have a cup of Keurig Coffee with our day school‘s cool admissions officer (Boker Tov!) in the mornings. My kids and I would play endless games of run-from-the-monster on the playground afterschool. If someone forgot a book or a lunch, I could easily tear back home and deliver it to the appropriate school locker. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: Dads, dude week, featured, work-life balance, working

A headhunter recently contacted me about a fantastic speech writing job. It was the sort of job I would have killed for when I finished graduate school in 2009 and was still charging my way up the communications career ladder. At that time, of course, no one in Boston was hiring writers.

Now my skills are seemingly back in demand, which is great news. However, I’m no longer available.

Before Lila arrived, I decided to slow down and freelance while being a Stay-at-Home-Mother (SAHM). So, I traded the career ladder for what my sister-in-law calls a “career lattice.” The lattice encapsulates the notion that for personal reasons, people willingly put high-octane careers on hold – stepping sideways, rather than up – for periods of time. So far, this has worked well for me. But how many people know about the lattice or support it?

I intend to rejoin the outside-my-home workforce in the future; I just don’t know precisely when. And I certainly don’t want potential employers to think I’ve lost my discipline or my ability to write on deadline. After all, that’s what made me valuable.

My pickle is a variation of one many mothers face, especially SAHMs. So, in honor of all those currently doing the world’s hardest job, I offer a list of reasons why mothers make the best hires:

1. Ford Tough Times Ten. I can now do everything I used to do – and more – only on less sleep and while holding a small Thanksgiving turkey (aka, my baby). That’s hard core.

2. Multitasking Queen. Forget Six Sigma. Ask a mother to oversee any project, and she’ll find a way to streamline, avoiding any unnecessary steps. I can now type, talk, and feed my baby simultaneously. Or, do laundry, put away groceries, and respond to email while holding her. Imagine how productive I’d be in a quiet office! Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: SAHM, work, work-life balance, working moms

This week, Jordana will be covering the UN General Assembly for The Jerusalem Post. Here’s her dispatch from yesterday, Day 1.

For many reporters, the drama of this week at the UN is simply a front-page story. For those of us who are more directly involved – such as me, by virtue of being Jewish and writing for an Israeli paper –  it’s unbelievably tense. This week will see an important moment in the Middle East and the world with the possibility of the unilateral declaration of a Palestinian state in the United Nations. While the US has said it will exercise its veto on such a move in the Security Council, the Palestinians may approach the General Assembly for approval instead. The gesture is largely symbolic but is a big one for Palestinians and Israelis alike. It is a region of the world where symbols hold tremendous import, where diplomacy is exceptionally difficult and where mistrust is high. And my job puts me on the front lines, my pen poised to transcribe history.

It’s Sunday and the meeting of the Palestinian Donor Conference at the United Nations is this evening. It’s closed to the media, but there will be a “stake out,” a terrific phrase meaning a press conference with question-and-answer opportunities, so I need to be there.  I preemptively sign permission slips, make tomorrow’s lunches for the kids and make sure that their backpacks are ready to go to school in the morning, knowing that by the time I get home, I will barely have the wherewithal to pour a glass of wine.

Having finished breastfeeding baby G, I get ready to saddle up and ride, driving into the city to the UN from our New Jersey home. I’m leaving Wonder Husband at home with a baby who is much crankier than usual, i.e. screaming her head off. My husband seems unfazed and wishes me good night and good luck. I, on the other hand, get in the car wondering if the little girl, who has a cold, has an ear infection, too.

Immediately, the first contingency surfaces. Foolishly, I was so engrossed in finding out the schedule of speakers for the UN that I neglected to check the schedule of the Jets, who play in the Meadowlands: their thousands of fans use the same road I’m using. I drum my fingers on the steering wheel and decide to call my boys at their dad’s house. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: featured, Israel, politics, pumping, united nations, work-life balance, working moms

I remember meeting, on several occasions, with the rabbi who was going to perform our wedding ceremony.  My future husband and I were surprised when he told us we needed to sign a Jewish prenuptial agreement.  He asked us to determine an amount of money that my future husband would pay me, on a daily basis, in the event he refused to give me a get (a Jewish divorce).  Our rabbi suggested a large sum, and my husband and I laughed as I told him to triple it!  Divorce was the furthest thing from our minds, and I knew that my husband was not the type who would refuse to give me a get.  Since both of us knew this was never a document we would be using, my husband readily agreed to triple the amount and we signed it.

Looking back, our rabbi was really on to something. What better time to get a future spouse to agree to something then when he or she is happy and excited about the marriage, and divorce is far from anyone’s mind?  And while every other week the magazine covers in the supermarket checkout line talk about one celebrity or another signing or not signing a pre-nup, most people have not heard of, or considered, a post-nuptial agreement.

Let me be clear: I do not believe everyone needs a post-nuptial agreement, which is a contract between spouses outlining what will happen financially, or otherwise, in the event the marriage breaks down.  However, if you have given up your career (or taken a very long hiatus) to raise children and manage the household, I am suggesting that you at least use this article as food for thought. Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: Divorce, Marriage, stay at home moms, work-life balance

I’ve made a decision.

I’m going to look for a part time job. One that will get me out of my yoga pants and out of the house.

Yes, I know, in the grand scheme of decisions, this one seems about as exciting as my extended morning conversations with my toddler regarding her underwear choice. Those of you who know me are probably wondering what I’ve got my decidedly-not-Hello-Kitty-panties in a twist about this time.

The thing is, it’s a big deal for me, even though my girls have been in day-care part time since they were 3 months old. I’ve used the time to work on my doctorate and part-time jobs that I could do almost entirely from home. It’s generally worked out well, as I’ve had the flexibility to take the girls to the pediatrician for their endless ear infections. (I’m still waiting for them to offer me a frequent shopper card.)

But now they’ve got tubes in their ears, and I’ve got cabin fever. I miss going into an office and seeing colleagues and having projects and goals. I miss talking to grown-ups on a regular basis. Although my nightly conversations with my husband are lovely, I need more stimulation than our check-ins about Frieda’s potty progress and Rosie’s adorable but generally ineffective attempts at walking.

I know what you’re asking yourselves. If the kids are already in daycare, what does it matter whether I’m working at home or in an office? To the girls, not so much. To me, it’s a major mind shift.

Read the rest of this entry →

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: work-life balance, working moms

I took a night off from doing the dishes once before, a few months ago. When I told my mom about my joy over not putting sponge to ceramic, she said, “But didn’t Scott work all day?” She was referring to my hard-working engineer of a husband who handles bath and bedtime.

Her response surprised me, especially because she was a stay-at-home mom. It seemed to me she should realize that I probably did more work that day than Scott even thought about. He for sure worked, but very differently. So, I did what any daughter proving her worth to her Jewish mother would do. I recapped my day. In great detail.

8 a.m.: Attended to a screaming Ellie who was mad at having to wake up.

8:45 a.m.: Made breakfast for and fed Ellie.

10 a.m.: Took Ellie to a class at the play gym and ran an errand afterward.

1 p.m.: Prepared and gave Ellie lunch.

2:30 p.m.: Put Ellie down for a nap after taking care of a poopie diaper and changing her outfit, which was covered in lunch.

2:30-4:30 p.m.: Conducted three phone interviews, worked on two articles, cleaned the mess from lunch, checked the mail, did two loads of laundry and dusted the house.

4:30 p.m. Got a screaming Ellie out of the crib and commenced the afternoon snack fight, defined as me trying to get her to have one and her refusing everything in favor of going outside.

4:35 p.m.: Took Ellie outside, where she proceeded to dig her nails into the soil and get it embedded so deeply they had to be filed to get clean.

6:30 p.m.: Scott came home and played with Ellie for an hour while I did more freelance work.

7:30 p.m.: Dinner.

8:15 p.m. Post-dinner family play time.

8:45 p.m.: Bath.

9 p.m.: Bed.

Usually while she’s in the bath, I vacuum the floor and start the dishes, pausing to kiss her goodnight and continuing while Scott puts her down. Once everything is shoved into the drying rack, I go back to my freelance work until midnight or later.

At some point in that particular day I also wiped the kitchen floor twice (after breakfast and lunch), responded to as many “Mommy, up” requests as I couldn’t tune out and begged Ellie not to flush the toilet while I was still on it at least four times.

My mom was unconvinced. “He was busy, too,” she said.

Lucky for me, Scott is much easier to sway. It’s about teamwork and not trying to one-up each other in the effort race. We understand that we both work our asses off in our own ways, and with that work comes the need to give each other a break. Even if that break also involves a bowl he shattered while putting it away. I’ll go back to doing the dishes tomorrow, before we need a new set.

How do you deal with sharing housework?

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: housework, work-life balance, working moms

A group of women working for Bloomberg LP (the company founded by Mayor Bloomberg) sued their employer a number of years back claiming that the company routinely discriminated against mothers and mothers-to-be by reducing their pay, demoting them, or excluding them from important meetings.

That lawsuit was shot down yesterday by a female judge who also provided a nice slap in the face explaining that the law does not mandate work-life balance.

“A female employee is free to choose to dedicate herself to the company at any cost, and, so far as this record suggests, she will rise in this organization accordingly,” she wrote. “The law does not require companies to ignore or stop valuing ultimate dedication, however unhealthy that may be for family life.”

Ouch.

There’s something wrong in this country and we can’t figure out how to right it. Our maternity leave policies are atrocious and little to no accommodations are made for working parents. Basically, being a working parent in this country kind of sucks.

I recently attend the annual BlogHer conference in San Diego where nearly 4,000 ladies convened. Many of the women there were moms who had left their jobs and turned to blogging with the dream of making it big one day like the goddess of mommy bloggers  Heather Armstrong or the Pioneer Woman.

Many women at the conference were there with hands out, trying to figure out how to turn their pet project into a profitable business. And for most of them, they can’t. (Though we did all go home with nice nice face creams, toothpaste, and Tupperware.)

My point being, we need a new model where women can choose to leave the workforce (though many of us can’t) as opposed to feeling pushed out.

So, on this lead up to the day of rest, I’m dedicating today to work. (I mean, what y’all think about work, not to me actually doing any.)

Stay tuned.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: work-life balance, working, working moms

I know that many of us are struggling with how to be very present moms, and to do meaningful work outside of our homes at the same time. This delicate balance is thrown totally off kilter (for me at least) in the summertime.

After sending my son to camp for a few weeks (who can afford that kind of cash outlay for the whole summer?) I decided that we would have camp at home in the mornings with activities and fun outings, and in the afternoons, I would sit down to do some work. But I’m finding that meetings can’t always happen in the discreet 5 hour block I have each afternoon.

So, when a meeting creeps up in the morning, and I have to tote my two kids along, it is not pretty.

This morning, I thought I had it all worked out. Snacks, check. Array of DVDs, check. Art supplies, check. After 20 minutes of sitting quietly, my 3-year-old got bored (while DVDs are a fun treat when he wants them, they can turn into a punishment when I want him to want them.) While my colleagues were very generous, I figured they could only endure my children’s “cuteness” for so long. The morning reached its disruptive peak when my son decided to go to the bathroom on his own (“I want my privacy imma”) and then proceeded to run out of the bathroom half naked, sit on the newly upholstered chairs, and then go out the front door to test if the grease on a bike chain would leave a mark on his hands (it did). He then came back in and scampered about the room with the threat of his greasy hands taunting white walls and tan summer clothes.

After a few sharp barks (not my finest moment as a mom), the meeting was over (at least my part in it) and we headed home, my 3-year-old in one arm and 9-month-old (who was happily entertained by all the commotion) in the other. When we got home, I realized that this wasn’t working. I need to set up things so that my children (and I) can succeed. Bringing them to my meetings is not the way. When noon rolled around and my babysitter arrived, I was eager to get to work. Funny enough, she brought her 8-year old son to work with her.

• Posted in Parenting
• Tags: work-life balance, working, working moms