When recovering from hand surgery as I am–or any surgery for that matter–you notice things. About yourself, your home, your kids, and your body. Because you have a lot of time to think.
Here’s the top seven things I noticed about myself this week:
When I have a lot of time on my hand (not hands, since I am mainly using one… haha. That’s a joke. I’ll add to my list that my sense of humor gets very very desperate when recovering from hand surgery), I check Facebook and Instagram and Twitter way too much. And I read the comments when I probably shouldn’t. And then I get upset and mad and hurt and angry about all of the anti-Semitic and anti-Zionist and anti-Jewish things people post on my pages. That happened.
With a lot of time on my hand (hahahaha), I seemed to react this past few weeks to said anti-Semitic and anti-Zionist and anti-Jewish comments. I finally had to reel myself in, but not until I felt some righteous indignation and true ire. Amidst the confusion and misery and tragedy that is going on in Israel and Gaza, I was particularly outraged that I–a liberal!–would be accused of being a genocidal baby-killer, but I guess that was my hot button. So I reacted. And then I stopped reacting. But I learned a bit about my Middle East button for sure.
Since I have been able to ask a lot of people for a lot of help in my recovery, I became acutely aware of how little I tend to say “please” and “thank you” with people I feel close to. Since I am so persnickety about my children saying “please” and “thank you,” I realized that I need to watch my manners.
4. Body Image.
No clue why this hit me these past few weeks, but my body isn’t as bad as my internal perception of it is. I’m not saying it’s perfect because trust me IT’S NOT, but it’s not as bad as I had been thinking it was. I guess a little alone time with just me and my body made us closer somehow.
Dude, I am messy. Not horribly. Not clinically. But I am. I can tolerate a lot of mess and dishes and clothes and wrinkles and dirt before I finally do something about it. And, as we all know, I wash my own toilets and do my own housecleaning, one-handed sometimes, but still. I don’t know that I need to change anything right now, but just so you all know: I’m kind of messy.
I started studying a little Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel with one of my mentors. Rabbi Heschel is the bearded bespectacled rabbi who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and was a huge advocate for civil rights. I named my younger son after him (his middle name is Heschel), and it’s been good to get my brain working hard after spending so much time recuperating and sitting about. I also have been immensely enjoying the short animated very wise and progressive videos from AlephBeta.org. I love the length and the sense of humor and the profound sense of deep inquiry and lack of fear of “blasphemy” charges for asking the toughest questions about the Torah. I highly recommend checking out AlephBeta.org if you are interested in a fresh but traditional take on all things Jewish.
7. It’s all going to be OK.
The Universe gave me a huge set of lessons this summer. About not being in charge of everything, about trusting doctors and therapists and trusting my strength–about everything. In case God can hear me, I’ll say this: OKAY. I GET IT. I need to slow down. Fine. Message received.