Tova Ross’ post last week titled “Why Do So Many Moms Regret Having Kids?” really upset me. I respect her as a writer and mother and mean no disrespect to her in any way. She wrote about the recent internet “trend” (I hate to call it that; it’s more of a consequence of the internet existing as a place to share dark things anonymously I suppose) of women posting their regrets about having children. I believe that Tova meant well with her post, and she declared that she wasn’t sure what her point was, except to say that she felt sorry for women who have these regrets and even sorrier for their children. Ouch.
Tova acknowledged that she has sympathy for women who long for their single days, or long for time alone, but she recommends that if those thoughts are not “fleeting” then there may be something very wrong. Double ouch.
I read some of the comments posted in response to Tova’s piece on Kveller, and I was relieved to see women posting that they have regrets that are not fleeting, but that they don’t feel they are bad mothers because of it. I fear that a divorced woman such as myself has little right to share my thoughts on this topic, since if I express regrets, the reader might simply say, “Oh, well, her life didn’t turn out like she wanted, so of course she has regrets.” Read the rest of this entry →