Happy Purim! Enjoy our special holiday-themed content, and scroll down to the end of this post for even more.
If you’re Jewish and single, chances are someone (ahem, your mom) told you to join JSwipe, the “Jewish Tinder” of dating apps. The Forward recently highlighted the 45 most popular women and 42 most popular men on JSwipe, which resulted in lots of shirtless selfies, bikini pics, shiny smiles, and did I mention shirtless selfies?
I’m here to say: no. Just no. While I’m sure these Jewish singles are all lovely people, there’s something just a little vomit-inducing about superficial lists like this. That is, unless they’re about DOGS.
So I took one for the team, turned to my phone for love, and found 18 of the hottest canines on the market. Wo-oof.
1. All-American Golden Retriever. What a nice guy.
2. Snow Pup. Hit the slopes with this little rascal, but keep a close eye on him–he blends right in!
3. Black & White Deep Thoughts. Talk to this dog about the patriarchy’s role in your burgeoning imposter syndrome. He’ll listen.
4. R&R Rover. This is the kind of dog you can really Netflix & Chill with (and I mean that strictly in the most literal sense of the term).
5. Superdog. Some heroes don’t wear capes, but others do.
6. Hipster Art Dog. You can already imagine the Pinterest-perfect barn wedding.
7. Mardi Paw. Such a party animal.
8. Mr. Intense. He will keep you safe and protected, if not totally terrified.
9. Furry Fabio. Look at those soft tufts of golden hair!
10. Snow Bite. Just look at that punim.
11. Dapper Doggy. This pitbull-mix has style up the wazoo.
12. Eugene Levy. Brows for days.
13. Inspirational Pup. He’ll encourage you to live your dreams… of playing with a cute dog.
14. Simba. OK actually I think this is just a lion. Still cute.
15. Snoozy Spot. Big spoon, meet little spoon.
16. The Boss. Yeah… he’s gonna need you to pet him on Saturday.
17. A Monkey. Because sometimes dogs just aren’t exotic enough.
18. A Dolphin. Let’s throw one of these in here for good measure, too.
Happy swiping!
Today at Kveller we’re celebrating Purim, a holiday with “the characteristics of a spring masquerade,” “a festival of merriment, play, and [ahem] pranks.”
Check out our other celebratory articles here:
How to Get Back to Your Pre-Pregnancy Fear of Dying Alone
One Easy Way to Make Mom Friends: Ditch Your Personality!
And Coming Soon…
Brave! This Mom Went to Costco With Her Toddler— and Without Xanax
Why I Always Make Sure My Kid Says Please When Asking for Another F*@$ing Poptart
Don’t Know How to Talk To Your Kid About God? Well, Uh, Geez, Neither Do We
Five Undereye Concealers That Will Give You the Fleeting Illusion of Control Over Time
This “Hot MILF” T-Shirt is Actually a Feminist Statement: Here’s Why.
You Will Not Believe This Badass Jewish Heroine Who Married a King and Saved Her People from Genocide
Study: Mom Is Tired
QUIZ. Who Said It: New Mom or Teenaged Stoner?
