The divorce proceedings are underway. I have lost my well-paying, highly respectable job. We have handed over our life savings to our lawyers and amassed even more in debt. I have been ignoring a subtle, yet persistent pain in my right side for months. Our baby refuses to sleep through the night. My father is gravely ill.
Perhaps these are a few of the reasons why I have made it a habit of not only speaking aloud, but also pleading with and sometimes even flicking off (picture extended fingers raised to the sky) God in recent months. (To be clear, I save the finger gestures for when I am alone).
What I did not realize until the following conversation transpired in the minivan on our way home from daycare yesterday was just how often I call upon my Maker and what affect it is having on my 3-year-old twins and their perception of God. The conversation went something like this…
Avi (my son): Mommy, let’s play God.
Me: Ok, Avi. How do you play God?
Avi: Well, you ask me for something and I answer you.
Me: Ok. Got it. God…
Avi: Yes, Mommy.
Me: Can you please make the baby sleep through the night so that I can finally get some rest?
Me (with some trepidation in my voice): Avi, Why did God say no?
Avi: God always says no to you, Mommy.
So I took a deep breath and I gave it some thought last night in between baby feedings and I realized that while I talk about God to them regularly, explaining that God is in our hearts, that God is both a He and a She, and that God gets sad when we tell untruths, what is truly crafting their personal vision of God is my often wacky, irrational, and sometimes even blasphemous rants to our Creator. I think that it is time that I have a “God Talk” with myself.
To read all of the post in this series, click here.