A friend of mine posted on Facebook that she was outraged by a new PETA contest which offers a free VASECTOMY to one lucky winner who has recently spayed or neutered his pet. The kicker? This contest is to raise awareness for NATIONAL INFERTILITY AWARENESS WEEK.
Um… I’m sorry, WHAT?
I honestly had to see it to believe it, and sure enough you enter the “contest” by answering the question: “Why should PETA neuter YOU?” one lucky guy *wins* a little snip, snip and (by default) agrees to be the sterile PETA poster child.
They forgot to mention you’ll be wearing nothing but a bandage down below and an organic cotton t-shirt that reads: “I shoot blanks, just like Fido.”
Let me start by saying THIS IS AWFUL. The campaign is horribly insensitive to the thousands of couples struggling with infertility and since when is overpopulation a problem in the U.S. ?
That being said, I brainstormed a list of people who I think should apply. ASAP.
Charlie Sheen. Why should PETA neuter you? Answer: WINNING!
Jim Bob Duggar. Why should PETA neuter you? Answer: Because if we’re going to fight the battle against overpopulation we might as well start with you, the father of 20 kids “and counting.”
Any guy on Teen Pregnancy Reality TV. Why should PETA neuter you? Answer: You knock up minors and then go on TV and brag about it. Also you suck at being a Dad.
Rod Stewart. Why should PETA neuter you? Answer: You’re old. Please stop.
Bob Barker. Why should PETA neuter you? Answer: Because it would be hilariously ironic.
And last but not least,
Sarah Palin. Why should PETA neuter you? Answer: For every animal in Alaska that you’ve hunted with a toothpick and skinned with your pinky toenail. Because I’m sure you are probably looking for another publicity stunt and being a spokesperson for PETA is actually more believable than pretending you’re Jewish. And lastly, because your next child will probably be named “chopstick” or “freedom” and that’s just not fair to anyone.
Instead, some idiot one lucky man (who must be 21 to enter) can be reproduction-free, free of charge, just like his pooch or feline friend. I guess if someone is dumb enough to have their man parts sliced and diced in the name of feral cats and infertility – perhaps they make the list after all.
I miss the good old days when PETA’s publicity stunts actually made sense, like when they petitioned Ben and Jerry’s to make breastmilk ice cream. Now THAT was an opportunity lost.