Over the past few weeks, Emily has been chronicling her journey about deciding to become a single mother by choice. Today she talks about what this means for her dating life.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the dating implications of becoming a single mother by choice.
It has always been my dream to find a wonderful man, fall in love, get married, buy a charming colonial in the suburbs, and make a bunch of babies. As you know if you’ve been reading this blog, things haven’t taken that path for me. I’m 37, single, and trying to become a mother.
But, I want to make one thing abundantly clear. The fact that I have decided to pursue my dream of motherhood now, because the clock doesn’t allow me to do that forever, in no way means that I am giving up on my quest to find my partner in life. In fact, I would argue that my honest and whole-hearted approach to becoming a mother has only served to strengthen my resolve that my man is out there and I’m going to find him. I even dream of finding him in time for a second child and maybe a third. If I find him soon, my first baby could know him as his/her daddy and we could keep growing as a family.
I hope this doesn’t sound crazy, but like it or not, I’m a romantic and I’m still very focused on finding grown-up love that will last a lifetime. Many friends have speculated that, once I become pregnant, I will lose interest in meeting a man. One guy I know suggested that I, “face the fact that I’m making my priority very clear.” I refuse to believe that having a baby on my own and meeting my soul mate are mutually exclusive. I realize that I may be shrinking the pool of men from whom to choose, but let’s face it, I probably did that when I started my own company or moved out of Manhattan. In one case, I even did that by going to Bali with a group of people I didn’t know. (He said he didn’t share my sense of adventure!) The truth is, having a baby on my own is just another manifestation of living my authentic life. Granted, it is a big, permanent step, but an exciting one.
I believe that the man for me is going to be intrigued, even impressed, by my choice. Maybe he is a father himself, or a man who is looking forward to having children and is more than happy to start a family with a woman who already has a little person in the picture. I know he is open minded, progressive, and smart. It wouldn’t hurt if he were also tall, dark, and handsome.
I fear that as we get older, and we find it harder and harder to meet our partners in crime, we scale back our uniqueness in an effort to be more things to more people. I know I did this in my early 30s. Well, no more. I have faith that being myself, pursuing my dream of motherhood, and, hopefully, becoming a loving and wise mom, will make me even more attractive to the right men. And, besides, I’m only looking for one!
To read the rest of Emily’s series, click here.