Can I Say ‘Mazel Tov’ to My Pregnant Jewish Friend?

If you’ve ever wished a newly pregnant Jewish friend a “mazel tov” or hearty “congratulations!!” and were met with some awkwardness, you should know, it’s not personal.

While this isn’t true about every Jewish pregnant person, many Jews don’t believe in wishing someone “mazel tov” — the Hebrew for “congratulations” which literally means “good luck” or “good constellations” — when one gets pregnant. If you didn’t know, or in case you’ve ever wondered why, here are the reasons.

Why don’t Jews say “mazel tov” when you’re pregnant?

The saying “mazel tov” is a congratulations about something that has already happened, so when it comes to pregnancy, we traditionally say “mazel tov” when the baby comes, not before.

This isn’t about a specific Jewish law, but rather, Jewish superstition, and specifically, the belief in the evil eye. Pregnancy is a sensitive time, and we all know the many complications that can occur, especially in the first trimester, but really at any time. And so, as not to attract the evil eye — “ayin hara” — to one’s pregnancy, we don’t say congratulations around this delicate time or create too big of a fuss.

According to My Jewish Learning: “In the Mishnah, a person with ayin hara is someone who cannot be happy for another’s good fortune, and in fact is distressed and angry when good things happen to his or her friends. This person’s gaze is considered dangerous because he or she would prefer that others not enjoy good things and might somehow cause misfortune to others via a malicious gaze. As a result, many Jewish communities have developed a tradition of not calling attention to good things, so as not to provoke ayin hara.”

There are a lot of Jewish traditions around pregnancy that speak to this concept of trying to ward off the evil eye — many Jews, for example, don’t accept baby gifts, don’t throw baby showers and don’t purchase anything for baby before they arrive. Some Jews refrain from announcing their pregnancy for a very long time, some well into the second, or even sometimes third, trimester, when the pregnancy is more outwardly noticeable. Some Jews don’t share anything online about their pregnancy until after baby comes along, too.

Why we say “b’sha’ah tovah” instead

If you’ve travelled in Jewish circles, or if you’ve seen pregnancy announcements of Jewish people online before, you may have noticed that people say “b’sha’ah tovah.” This literally means “in good time,” a cautious but loving wish in hopes that all will unfold as it should when the time comes. As Miriam Ezuigi shared on her TikTok, you can say mazel tov to the mom after they’ve delivered both their baby and their placenta, when most (though not all) dangers are out of the way. You can hear her pronounce the expression below:

@miriamezagui

Replying to @barbarasuesanantonio What does the phrase B’sha Tova mean? #superstition #pregnancy #congratulations #mazaltov

♬ original sound – Miriam Ezagui

Hey, I’m a Jewish pregnant person, and I like it when people say “mazel tov” to me!

That’s totally fine! As we said, there’s no real halachic — Jewish law-related — reason to not say mazel tov when it comes to a Jewish pregnancy. While many Jews find Jewish superstition comforting and love how it connects them to the generation of women that came before them and love the way superstition gives them a sense of control or the ability to be in the moment in their pregnancy, plenty are shirking Jewish superstition, too, finding that it makes them more anxious than is helpful, or simply finding it to be not practical for their families. More Jewish mothers seem to be throwing baby showers, holding gender reveals and filling their nurseries before their babies are born.

Still, when it comes to your pregnant Jewish friends, we suggest erring on the side of caution. Ask them if they are superstitious, or if it’s OK to say mazel tov, or just say b’sha’ah tovah instead. If you want to get them something for the baby before it’s born, make sure you have their explicit blessing.

If your Jewish pregnant friend is superstitious, there are still plenty of ways to make them feel good, from delivering meals, helping with household chores before the baby comes, treating them to a spa day or even holding a challah-baking party for the expectant parent.