I’m not one for big birthday bashes, but as my 40th approached this past July, I figured this was the year to make a splash.
And so my husband and I planned it all out: a backyard barbecue with all our local friends. We’d make it family-friendly so no one had to find a babysitter. We bought a giant inflatable water slide, a pop-up tent for shade, burgers from the fancy butcher shop and just the right combination of juice boxes and beer. We borrowed tables, scrubbed down chairs, pulled out the baby pool and water table from the basement and cleaned out our sunroom for extra seating. My parents flew in from Chicago, bringing with them my preferred brand of hot dogs and buns.
All week, I kept my eye on the forecast. In the days leading up to that weekend, we sweated through a historic heatwave, air quality concerns from Canadian wildfires and a parasite that meant all salads were off the menu. And then, the forecast for the Saturday of the party seemed to solidify: flash flood warnings. Tornado warnings. Rain rain, 100% chance of rain.
As they say, “Man plans, God laughs.”
As a parent of two little kids, I find myself saying that particular phrase quite a lot these days, when all my best laid plans fall through thanks to ill-timed naps, tantrums and perhaps the unreasonable expectation that we can run into Target to grab just two things real quick. The fact that this expression has Yiddish origins makes it feel even more apt for my de facto life motto.
“Man plans, God laughs” is translated from the Yiddish expression, “Mann tracht un Gott lacht.” It’s been used for decades to describe both instances trivial (it rains on your birthday) and big (you move across the country for an exciting new job in, say, February of 2020, only to find yourself working remotely for the foreseeable future thanks to a pandemic).
But where exactly did the Yiddish phrase come from?
That’s a bit hard to track down.
Similar concepts can be found in the bible. Proverbs 16:9 reads, “Mortals may plot out their course, But it is God who directs their steps,” and Proverbs 19:21 offers a similar thought: “Many designs are in a person’s mind, But it is God’s plan that is accomplished.”
A fascinating exploration of the phrase in the “Philologos” column of The Forward traces similar popular phrases that spread throughout different languages and cultures. In Homer’s “The Iliad,” there is, “But Zeus does not bring to fulfillment all things which men set forth.” The ancient Greek poet Pindar wrote, “For now I am hopeful, although a god controls the outcome.” The column makes the argument that Catholic German author Thomas à Kempis was most likely inspired by the Book of Proverbs when he turned the phrase into a cute little rhyme: “Homo proponit sed Deus disponit,” or, “Man proposes, but God disposes.”
From there, it entered the German lexicon with a rhyme that translated to, “Man thinks and God directs.” And from there, it was time for Yiddish speakers to adopt their own version. There were a few Yiddish words that could rhyme with the Yiddish word for plans, “tracht,” including farakht, “scorns,” or makht, “makes.” But instead, the Yiddish powers that be went with lakht, “laughs,” cementing the perfect Jewish phrase that has stuck around ever since.
And it really is perfect. As the Forward writes, “Jews traditionally had a sense of humor about their God and ascribed one to Him, too… The thought of God gently laughing on His heavenly throne at our vain dreams and calculations rather than sternly redirecting them like a traffic policeman makes Him seem — well, so much more human.”
The phrase itself could feel defeatist; why bother planning for anything if it’s all going to come down to God’s will (or happenstance, should you err on the side of atheism) anyway?
Maybe because, every once in a while, the stars align: the baby naps exactly when you think he should, your toddler eats the chicken you made for dinner without calling it “yucky” even once, the weather cooperates for the perfect summer outing. You can’t go through life never thinking about your future — the near and the distant. Man’s gotta plan.
But “Man plans, God laughs” reminds us, quite succinctly, that when it doesn’t work out, it’s not because there’s some vengeful guy in the sky trying to keep you humble. It’s actually super freeing to think about the gentle laugh of God, whatever your version of God may be, not trying to direct you, but acknowledging that things don’t always go as we hope. If God can laugh about it, maybe we can, too.
As for my big 40th birthday bash, I postponed it by a day, which meant some folks who were going to come could no longer make it — and a few others who couldn’t come on the original day were able to stop by. It was an absolutely perfect weather day, not too hot, not a cloud in the sky. Somehow even the mosquitos seemed to stay away. The kids splashed, the grown-ups ate well. And we all laughed. A lot.
New Year, More Kveller. A few dollars keeps Kveller joyfully, honestly free.
