There are quite a few sexy Christmas songs. One “naughty” Spotify list of them is 148 titles long — that’s eight hours of seductive music about the holiday!
Hanukkah, on the flipside, does not have a lot of seductive tunes. I mean, there are generally fewer Hanukkah songs, but aside from Rachel Bloom’s 2013 parody “Hanukkah Honey” and Buzzy Lee’s aka Sasha Spielberg’s 2019 sultry and sensuous “Want to Give You Everything”, I really can’t think of any sexy ones.
Luckily, this year we have a new original to add to that list that mixes both Bloom’s humor and Lee’s sultriness. It’s titled “Hot Hanukkah,” and it might be one of my new favorite Hanukkah songs of all time.
This song comes from the queer Jewish duo (and real life couple) Couplet, made up of Marnina Schon (whom I’ve loved since I watched her in Henry Winkler-starring comedy “Chanshi” as Chanshi’s queer Orthodox BFF Noki) and Micah O’Konis. This dynamic duo also works for Hebrew Helpers, which provides Jewish education and bat and bat mitzvah tutoring (the company recently helped with Elizabeth Banks’ son Magnus’ bar mitzvah).
Their sexy song has it all. There’s some real raunchiness with “we do it by the window to publicize the miracle” (ooh la la), there’s Jewish knowledge (“Can I kiss you by the menorah/Tell you that it comes from the Talmud not the Torah” and “I want you in a major way/On this minor holiday” — I laughed out loud at that one), and there are some really good Jewish pickup lines like “Oh you make me want to melt/Like a pocket full of gelt.” As someone who has been personally victimized by melted gelt stains, that one is too real.
And just to make the song even more perfect, their short video of it features a picture of hot Jew Jeff Goldblum. We’d let him light our menorah any night (respectfully).
And of course, there are jokes about what it means to try to make Hanukkah songs imitate Christmas ones: “What is this sweet warm sensation/could it be assimilation?”
But Couplet counters: “Christmas is a sexy time even though it’s about baby Jesus/So why can’t Hanukkah be hot Hanukkah? Jews really need this!”
And while I can’t speak for all Jews, this Jewish music and comedy lover definitely needs “Hot Hanukkah.” Thanks for this spicy, hilarious and delightfully well-sung addition to my Hanukkah playlist!
