This recap includes spoilers for season two of “Nobody Wants This.” If you’d like to share your opinion about this episode or any aspect of season two, subscribe to our Substack, Jewish TV Club and join us in the chat!
It’s the day before Valentine’s Day and Noah’s ex, Melanie, calls in to Joanne and Morgan’s podcast to complain about Joanne’s beau.
Melanie has a rant prepared, telling Joanne that Noah isn’t who she thinks he is, and that he was so romantic to her but then absolutely denied being her boyfriend or feeling serious about their relationship.
I have to say that since season one, I’ve felt that Noah Roklov is not the prefect romantic hero he wants us all to believe. His ex, Rebecca (Emily Arlook) was painted as the crazy, obsessed Jewish ex, but it felt clear that Noah can actually be a bit of an asshole, and in this episode that does really get exposed. The call with Melanie makes Joanne panic, especially when she realizes Noah’s ex may have a bit of a point: he invited her to a family wedding, bought her flower or her birthday, visited her sick mom in the hospital, then said they weren’t that serious. This makes Joanne demand that Noah meet up with Rebecca, his most recent ex, to debrief about their relationship and breakup.
The conversation with Rebecca affirms Joanne’s confirms: she talks about how romantic and lovey-dovey Noah was with her and how she didn’t expect their breakup at all. Noah is super cringey in this conversation; he can’t let go of his perception of himself as a good boyfriend, when perhaps he’s just really good at love-bombing, or at least outsized romantic gestures that don’t always match his true feelings about the girl he’s with.
Speaking of love-bombing, that’s exactly what Dr. Andy is doing. It’s stressful to watch! Morgan wakes up at his place to a live musician playing “Kissed By A Rose” on the patio, while Dr. Andy her breakfast in bed — with a key to his house in one of the dishes.
It’s Noah’s first Valentine’s with Joanne and he plans a pasta-making class, which Dr. Andy and Morgan end up joining since it’s Morgan and Joanne’s tradition to have a drunk lunch together every Valentine’s Day. Joanne gifts Noah a “Kazaam” poster (the Shaq tributes continue), while Noah gives her a heartfelt card and… the exact same necklace he gifted Rebecca in the past. Joanne knows it’s the same because she saw it when she was Instagram stalking Rebecca, naturally.
It makes Joanne feel like she’s just another Melanie or Rebecca.
Sasha is trying to convince Esther to procreate once more with a very disturbing PowerPoint presentation (I would go to Sasha and Esther’s PowerPoint party, tbh). Noah brings Esther flowers for Valentine’s and picks up a bubble machine from Sasha. We can tell from the dialogue that this is his schtick.
Dr. Andy continues with the creepy presents, gifting Morgan a perfume that smells like her and Joanne’s dead grandma, which Joanne gets a bizarre whiff of when they walk into the pasta lesson. The drunk portion of the sisters’ drunk lunch seems barely existent as this pasta class offers wine-tasting portions.
It’s Sasha who wins the romantic gesture competition, hands down, surprising Esther with the dance class she fantasized about earlier in the season, and then surprising her further with an actual choreographed dance to Ariana Grande’s “7 rings.” I think we’re all in love and want to have a baby with Sasha now.
Noah in the meantime continues with his rigid idea of what a romantic gesture is: a joint bath in the California heat with the aforementioned bubble machine. I hate it so much and so does a shvitzing Joanne. Forced baths aren’t romantic!
Morgan calls Sasha after he and Esther get back from dance class, and Sasha puts her on speaker phone so Esther can clear the communication. Morgan wants Sasha’s advice on if she should move in with Dr. Andy, and Esther allows him two minutes — timed — in Morgan’s car. It’s a weird move from Esther’s character that tbh I don’t love.
Honestly, writing the Dr. Andy part of these recaps is very hard for me, because he is the most literal red flag of a TV character I have seen maybe ever. It’s clear that his MO is to love-bomb while taking advantage of all the information that Morgan has shared with him in therapy, and it’s hard to suspend my disbelief through so many episodes of TV that this relationship just… keeps going? After Sasha and Morgan agree that the best thing for Morgan would be to take this relationship slow, another grandiose gift from Dr. Andy has her forgetting her resolve and agreeing to move in together. Ugh!
Noah on the other hand wants to continue his torturous itinerary for Joanne with a night hike. What cursed Google search did he perform to land on this idea of a “romantic” day?! Joanne finally puts a stop to things, and she confronts him about the necklace and this part of a “romantic man” that he’s trying to play that just doesn’t feel authentic.
He opens up to her about his conversation with Rebecca, and Joanne seems to love seeing him be flawed and honest, but to be real, I still don’t think Noah really gets that what he’s doing is kind of shitty. He also asks Joanne for a card after she gifted him the perfect personal Valentine’s Day gift? In turn, she asks to watch “Love Is Blind” by herself to decompress — she says it can be his final Valentine’s Day gesture (and the only genuine one!!). She does stop in the middle of watching to write him a card… which he then critiques for spelling errors. Really Noah?! Someone needs to go on a night hike by himself to think about the error in his ways, but instead he gets a hot makeout sesh with Joanne! He’ll never learn that way!!
The wins
Sasha’s dancing and… nope, Sasha is the only win of this episode, I’m sorry. Valentine’s is not a Jewish holiday, so maybe this episode is here to show us that it really sucks, and that we should celebrate Tu B’Av instead? Maybe that’s the win??
The icks
Rabbi Noah is the most Prego he’s ever been in this episode.
