Everyone tells you to get a dog for your kids. Even me! But as a fairly new dog owner, I can say that having a dog provides a pick-me-up for moms too…and one that doesn’t involve calories, online shopping, or a massive expenditure of money on renovating your sunroom. Was that one just me? Anyway, here’s 10 reasons to get a canine friend, even though you insist that you’re already up to your ears in poop.
1. Dogs are always happy to see you. There is no “daddy phase” or “don’t look at me directly when I’m in front of my friends” phase. Just unadulterated joy and tail wagging. Your dog finds you as appealing as you find the idea of having another baby, before you come back to earth and realize that idea would be sheer lunacy.
2. Dogs don’t require daily grooming. Except for pugs…stupid skin rolls and all. With your kids, you keep saying you’ll cut back baths to every other day, and then your toddler gets into the mayonnaise. But your dog will never need a daily bath, because if she gets into the mayonnaise, she licks it all off before you know it (although you can never un-see that, and it is as gross as it sounds.)
3. Dogs can’t talk. Your preschooler, though, can. And she does. For 24 hours straight every day and most of the night. STOP TALKING, OR MOMMY WILL LOSE HER MIND!! I mean, isn’t there some quiet activity you could do now, sweetie?
4. Dogs have simple needs. Food, walk, cuddling, that’s it. Unlike your teenage daughter. Who the hell knows what she needs? You know what you need after dealing with her, though, and that is a stiff drink. And a one way ticket to the Caribbean.
5. Dogs are grateful for what they get. Unlike your kids. Remember how Pinkalicious’ mom tells her, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset?” Well, we all know how that worked out. Spoiler alert: badly.
6. Dogs don’t ask you to come to their excruciatingly boring work party where you don’t know anyone, and you have to wear heels and pay a sitter and you would rather be home watching “Breaking Bad,” because honestly, you had enough stress last weekend with your in-laws visiting and criticizing your new sofa. What do you mean, hon, that example wasn’t about our lives! I watch “Homeland.”
7. Dogs don’t get you sick. There are no interspecies colds. So it’s not like you’re taking care of her, and then she wipes her nose on your actual mouth, and then you have to take off work for the next week because you come down with the Black Death Flu. Instead, your dog just lies around, and you feed her medicine in peanut butter. Nice life.
8. Dogs can’t even eat chocolate, never mind get covered in chocolate to the extent that their entire picture day outfit is ruined, and you resolve to never buy anything nice again. EVER!
9. Dogs can do tricks on command. Unlike your baby. Come on, sweetie, sing “Twinkle Twinkle” for Grandma. Do it. I’ll give you a popsicle later. No, Ma, really, it’s really cute. No, I’m not making it up, do you think I’m crazy?
10. Dogs make your family complete. Yes, indeed. You are NOT having another baby. 100% done. But then…Imagine the adorable newborn photo shoot with your dog?