Summer is almost upon us, and with that comes no school, vacations, and camps. With all of that, it’s no wonder that moms need to cut a few corners here and there. Here is a behind-the-scenes look at moms’ secret ways to make the summer a little bit easier:
1. Pool time as a substitute for bath.
I know you’re supposed to wash out the chlorine. But every day? Your kid needs to be disinfected anyway, and overnight, the chlorine can really work its magic.
2. Sprinkler time as a substitute for bath.
Sensing a theme here? Bath time for three kids under age 6 really sucks. Don’t judge me, learn from me.
3. Relaxing about screen time.
Especially during car trips to grandma, the amusement park, the beach, and anything where the kids are in the car longer than 10 minutes. On goes the DVD player, and in pops some Barbie DVD that you would deny you own if your pediatrician asked.
4. Food groups can include…other groups.
Yes, watermelon is a fruit. No, it shouldn’t comprise 100% your kids’ daily summer food intake. The other percentages should be comprised by ices, ice cream, slurpees, and iced frappuccinos. Decaf, of course, what am I, a monster?
5. Not grill.
Everyone is all into grilling. You know what I’m into? Not having my husband stand in front of a grill for an hour listening to music and basting meat while I watch the kids on my own. Teamwork, people. Crockpots work just as well in July.
6. Not make your kid do extra reading or workbooks.
They can do schoolwork if they want. It’s a free country. That’s what July 4th is about, guys. But otherwise, I’m not standing over them with a sticker chart during my summer vacation.
7. Look at my phone at the pool.
Someone will get me if my 5-year-old needs me. She can swim. And while she does, I can see if other people’s Instagram posts indicate that their summers are more relaxing than mine, or if it’s all a façade.
8. Not remember to buy special kid’s sunscreen.
Until they get it in their eyes and then you need to make a special trip to Target, or else you feel like the world’s worst mom. Not speaking from experience or anything.
9. Not go to one tiki bar for happy hour the whole summer.
That’s been my date-night idea for the past five summers. Has it happened yet? No. Probably, because all my potential babysitters are doing that same thing. Damn them.
10. Wistfully mourn future kid-free summers even while you’re in the middle of a kid-centered one.
Imagine when we won’t have all these little ones to cart to the pool and slather with sunblock? And when we can’t dress the baby in a little sundress anymore? Because she’ll be working as a life-guard or an intern in the city? It’s so sad. Isn’t it, honey? Why are you smiling? This is sad, I tell you. We’ll be crying all the way to our hotel room for two on a tropical island.