How to Officially Convert Beyonce's Baby to Judaism – Kveller
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How to Officially Convert Beyonce’s Baby to Judaism

It’s really hard for me not to talk about Babyonce right now. I mean, it’s clearly hard for the entire world not to talk about Beyonce and Jay-Z’s baby right now. But, since this is a site with a noted Jewish twist, it sort of doesn’t make sense to talk about Babyonce. Except, of course, if this baby could possibly be considered relatively Jewish in any way. What’s that, you say? You want to hear all of the reasons that this baby could possibly be considered relatively Jewish in any way? Well alright:

1. Her name is Blue Ivy. Blue, like the color of the Israeli flag. Totally Jewish!

2. The baby was born at Lenox Hill Hospital, on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. A lot of Jews live there. Very much Jewish!

3. It was widely believed that the baby was supposed to be born at St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. A lot of Jews live there, too. Pretty, pretty Jewish!

4. Jay-Z grew up in Brooklyn. Jews live there, too. Automatically Jewish!

5. A parody was made of Beyonce’s hit “Single Ladies” called “Jewish Single Ladies“. That makes Beyonce Jewish by osmosis, or something. Definitely Jewish!

So now that we’ve very scientifically proved Blue Ivy’s Jewish heritage, can we talk about how the new parents rented out the entire maternity ward to deliver their baby (or maybe they didn’t?) Or how Jay-Z already has a hit song all about baby Blue? Or about how Suri Cruise is really mad about this baby? Or how former Destiny’s Child member Michelle Williams refuses to congratulate Beyonce on Twitter? So much Babyonce, I’m going to explode!

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