How You Know You Have a Severe Case Of Preggo Brain – Kveller
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How You Know You Have a Severe Case Of Preggo Brain

Ok “Momnesia,” I thought you were a myth, but this pregnancy I really feel you. In fact, I think I have gotten stupider—or wait, should I be saying “more stupid”? Argh, do you see the problem here?

I have heard the severity of how much your brain capacity is snatched away by your newborn varies from mom to mom. Well, my case right now is severe—I am convinced my baby has at least 90 percent of it, maybe more. In the altered words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Brain.” Do you feel me?

Here are some of the signals your baby is holding your brain hostage too.

When you are at a playroom with your daughter and she points to a chicken and you say, “Yes baby, that’s a sweet duck,” then the 15-month-old boy next to you with a cute freckly face and blond hair, points and says “chicken.”

Then you look again, and think, shit, little boy, you are right—so that’s why the duck has an egg next to it. Mind. Blown. “Yes, that is a chicken,” you say out loud. “That is indeed a chicken.”

When you are constantly forgetting words. “You know that thing that my daughter drinks out of. It’s round and she needs to give it up soon. She drinks her milk from it,” I say. “You mean her bottle?” My mom says, giving me a look like I am losing my mind, which is not too far off. “Yes. That.”

Or take another example: “OK, we are going to the place, you know—the place where there are swings and a slide. Kids run around and sometimes it looks dangerous and they should all wear helmets?” “A park. We’re going to the park,” my mom says giving me some strong side eye. Right. “That.”

You face these common situational issues:

  • “Did I have that appointment today or tomorrow? Oh it was today!” Shit.
  • “We had plans? Of course we did. Be there in ten… err, minutes.” Shit.
  • “Oh, that class was cancelled?” Glad I hiked all the way uptown in the heat for nothing. Shit.
  • “I swear I brought my purse with me,” As I try to pay for a toy for my daughter, but end up having to put it back after promising her she can have it. #ParentingFail #Shit #PossibleTantrum #DoubleShit
  • “Husband, why did you put a twenty-dollar bill in the refrigerator?”  Husband shakes his head, indicating that he did not do that, so it must be me. Shit.

Everyone around you is frustrated with you because they think you aren’t listening.

“Did you hear what happened today with Kanye?” I say while looking at my nightly gossip rags on my computer. ”I just said that to you like five minutes ago,” my husband answers back, kind of annoyed. “Yea, of course. I was just seeing if you were paying attention to me.” Obviously…

You have to go up and down the stairs of your house or do laps around your apartment a million times a day because you keep forgetting different items, so much so that your legs hurt by the end of the day and you break a sweat often.

So how do you cope with this brain fog? Personally, I find myself writing every single thing I think of for the day in my phone and check it about seven hundred times a day to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Even cravings get committed to paper: “Note to self: Order ice cream from 16 Handles.”

I also make sure I am sticking to my routines more than normal, very little room for deviation—not sure if the noggin can handle it.

If you related to this list, may the force be with you and your snatched brain.

The good news is I heard our mental capacity does come back…eventually.

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