1. Losing Team. Let’s just get it out of the way right now: losing sucks. I am a fiercely competitive person about everything from how fast I can run up a flight of stairs to how much someone loves me. Since I was a very small child, I wanted to win all things and be the best at everything and if not, challenge myself to try to be the best by beating myself up for not being the best. So, yeah: losing sucks. I am happy for Merritt Weaver and sure, being nominated makes me a winner, except when it doesn’t because I lost. I am fine, I am OK. I’m not broken, just bent. And I will learn to love again.
2. Eating. Because I am a vegan, eating is often hard at fancy Hollywood parties. I did a smart thing this weekend, though. I attended an awesome PETA event where I could eat literally anything there! Here is the vegan mac n cheez I ate and some of the adorable beautiful animal-cruelty free desserts they had. Yay for PETA. And for feeding me to help metabolize some of the drinks I had that night!
3. Prepping. I love being Jewish and Sukkot rocks and all, but not being able to speak to my BFF (who is frum) for three days before the Emmys was a torture worse than losing and not being able to eat enough to metabolize the alcohol I was drinking combined. We did not speak from sundown (Atlanta time, where she lives) Wednesday night until Shabbat ended Saturday night. Not OK! It felt like I had had one of those relationship break-ups where you know you MUST NOT CALL THE OTHER PERSON and it was so weird. She had a nice Sukkot, and I guess I did, too, but this no phone thing three days leading up to the Emmys was not working for me. God, take note.
4. Pre-Parties. Here’s a fun red carpet picture from the Emmy Nominee Reception I went to. I wore a bright tomato red Tadashi Shoji lace dress with Nicole Miller matching shoes. We did kind of Amy Winehouse-inspired make-up and retro hair for that one. I also went to some parties that night and may have danced a little bit. And I met Baron Davis, fellow UCLA alum and now NBA basketball superstar. I sort of freaked out with excitement since I spent so many years cheering him on as a Bruin!
5. Big girl choices. I really only went to parties I wanted to go to this year, not ones I was told I should go to. A lot of well-meaning people in my industry have opinions about what parties I “should” go to to be seen at or whatever, but sometimes those parties are too fancy or social for me, and I selected close friends who I knew would support me needing to leave or stay on my schedule. It was an overall great weekend making big girl choices.
6. Jim. I cried when Jim Parsons won. I also jumped out of my seat when Jim won. He deserves this award so very much and his speech was so touching. We have a regular work day today, and I can’t wait to hug him and celebrate with him.
7. Getting Ready. I rarely sit still for more than 10 minutes at a time. I’m a fidgety neurotic sort of antsy type. Thus, even an hour of hair and make-up is hard for me. On Emmy Sunday, we leave two and a half hours to get ready so no one is rushed. This is equivalent to driving nails under my eyelids and making me sing “It’s A Small World” over and over. I hate sitting still. So that makes prep a bit stressful for me. I used a new hair and make-up team for this whole week and I loved what they did. They are relaxed, very bright, and seemed not too freaked out by my unconventional-ness.
8. Music. “Music, sweet music; I wish I could caress the rest,” said Jimi Hendrix. Music is incredibly important to me, and has become even more-so since my divorce. I am playing more, writing more, and listening and finding more support in music. (For my post about what it’s like to take a religious break from music, check this out.) Our prepping soundtrack was the following, and keep in mind I listen to whole albums like old people like to do. No playlists or Pandora whatever or such nonsense. Albums were made to be listened to, not dissected!
— The Decemberists “The King is Dead”
Single songs I played as I was in the final stages of prepping to really yank some emotion to the surface were:
— Procol Harum “Whiter Shade of Pale”
— Paul Desmond “Bossa Antigua”
— New Pornographers “The Challengers”
I recommend you make a “Mayim Mix for When You are About to Maybe Win Something but then You Lose.”
9. The Look. Well, Alison M. Kahn, you are a stylist among stylists. The Oliver Tolentino gown was raved about, the Bellari earrings were perfect, the Takat ring was divine, the Swarovski clutch was super fun and easy for my injured hand to hold for extended periods of time, you showed me how to pose and I think I did what you wanted: it was amazing. People went bonkers for the look you created. We did it!
10. The aftereffects. I stayed out and attended what’s called the “Losers Party” last night. Only losers allowed. Not kidding. I danced my tushie off. I ate some vegan food. I drank a bit, but not too much, since I have a work day today to conquer and a scene to learn by this afternoon that we are pre-taping. My shoes came off literally as I left the Emmy awards ceremony and they stayed off all night. The party I went to had a DJ who played both “Bigmouth Strikes Again” by the Smiths and “Just Like Heaven” by the Cure. This made me exceptionally excited since I love The Smiths and The Cure and spent most of high school dancing to those bands in goth clubs and my bedroom. My extensions finally came out and my cat cuddled me all night. Good kitty. He loves me even though I lost. And so do a lot of people.
And for that I am grateful. But I can’t just be OK with it. It was a great week, a great weekend, and I learned a lot about myself even last night. We are indeed always changing. And I get to try and win another year, assuming I am nominated another year.
In my business you never ever ever know. Keeps you humble. Keeps you on your toes. Keeps you wanting to be more, do more, say more. And also keeps you knowing when to be OK with being not more, OK with doing less things other people think you should do, and know when to just shut up and have a drink.
I’ll post some fun links later. Hopefully none of them show me doing anything on the dance floor you all wouldn’t do.
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