Moms, did you ever wish you had a quick and easy template for a playdate invitation to stick in a cubby or hand to a woman who looks like a potential friend? Well, you’re in luck. Just check off the applicable boxes, and you’re good to go. Soon you—I mean, your kid—might have a new best friend!
Dear Mom of: (Check off one)
[ ] child my child’s same age and gender, so come on, it has to work
[ ] child that is more popular than my child so I’m trying to help my child out
[ ] child I have never seen but this one time I saw you reading a book I like so I’m hoping we’ll be friends
Ever since we talked at:
[ ] that unbearably loud birthday party,
[ ] preschool pickup that one time that I wasn’t late,
[ ] we have never talked because I’m always rushing around like a lunatic,
I have thought that we need to get the kids together for a playdate. Why don’t we:
[ ] meet at my house if it’s the one day a week that I have vacuumed?
[ ] go to your house only if you haven’t vacuumed and I won’t feel insecure?
[ ] meet at the park because we can both make a hasty departure if we realize we bore each other?
I know it’s a hectic time of year due to:
[ ] the winter holidays fast approaching,
[ ] Arbor Day,
[ ] the fact that we have children,
but everyone needs some time to relax.
I will bring the:
[ ] organic crackers because I see you drive a Prius.
[ ] bubbles and crafts so we have something to do if the kids won’t interact with each other.
[ ] wine because I want to see if you and I are compatible as friends.
Madison is having a bit of trouble with
[ ] biting
[ ] hitting
[ ] repeating curse words that she hears me saying while driving
so I hope that your kid isn’t
[ ] bitable.
[ ] hittable.
[ ] impressionable.
If our playdate doesn’t work out, I would appreciate you not
[ ] telling the other moms that I suck.
[ ] telling the other moms that my kid sucks.
[ ] living in this neighborhood anymore.
But if it does work out, I harbor secret fantasies that:
[ ] our husbands will get along, too, and we can finally have “couple friends.”
[ ] over wine, you and I will confide in each other our deepest parenting fears and hug and cry.
[ ] you will tell me how sweet Madison is and that she’s a great influence on your kid.
Please get back to me by:
[ ] text since I haven’t checked my voicemail since 2008.
[ ] email since then I will know your last name and can Facebook stalk you.
[ ] tomorrow so I don’t have to be anxious all weekend about whether you like me or not.
Looking forward to it!
P.S. If you don’t want to have a playdate with me, please:
[ ] pretend you never received this note.
[ ] tell me you’re really overwhelmed with work and I promise not to ask around whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or not.
[ ] give me some tentative answer about doing it “one of these days,” and I promise not to cry until I’m sitting in my minivan.