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friendship

8 Strategies for Dealing With ‘Mean Girl’ Moms

biglittlelies

From "Big Little Lies," HBO

Mean Girls can mature into warm, welcoming, empathic adults — or, sometimes, into Mean Moms. (See also: “Big Little Lies.”) And mean people can be a drag, even though we have more perspective and emotional reserves now than we did as kids. Here’s how some Kveller moms handle the cold shoulder of their fellow parents.   

Feel hurt, vent — then move on.

I allow space in my mind to feel hurt and disappointed. I even call a friend (like the kind of friend who would hold your hair while you puke) and vent. I also vent to my husband, but he doesn’t really get it. So I set a time frame like ‘I’m going to be pissed about this person for two days and then move on, because it’s her loss she doesn’t have an awesome friend like me.’ I like giving myself permission to feel the feelings. Rationalize them. Curse it out and then move on.

Do the opposite.

I err on the other side and kill them with kindness. I hold doors open. I smile every time I see them. I show that when they go low, we go high.”

Reclaim your power.

Not taking what they do personally and not giving them the power to make you feel badly is a choice. It is well within your power, you just have to do it (if you want to, of course). It is liberating to do it, to not give someone the power to hurt you. It’s a switch to flip actually.

Don’t react.

“Ignore. Do not engage. Ignore.”

Just do you.

“Sometimes, I try to be extra nice but I’m also a take no crap kind of person. I’m never cool, by their standards, and just do ‘me.’”

Remember that it’s not about you.

“Mean people are often unhappy people. Keeping that in mind helps mitigate the rage I might otherwise feel when people are unnecessarily obnoxious. I’m not saying it makes everything better, but if you can keep that in mind, it can help reduce the otherwise large space this might occupy in your day-to-day.”

Open your own circle.

“Be intentional about keeping your own circle of friends open, so others feel welcome, comfortable and supported in your midst.”

Remember that your tribe is out there.

“Know that you will eventually find another mom with whom you can snark, eye roll and reality check. Even if it seems like there isn’t anyone at the moment.”

If all else fails…

“Move to a small, unpretentious Midwestern town so you don’t have to deal with them.”

How do you mitigate the hurt in these situations? Tell us in the comments! 

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