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The Parent’s Guide To Being Sick You Didn’t Know You Needed

Woman Suffering From Cold Lying In Bed With Tissue

Chances are you have been sick at least once since having kids. Chances are it was one of your little darlings who gave it to you in the first place. Well, this is the guide you never knew you needed on how to properly be sick as a parent.

1. Hydrate

Hydration is very important with any virus. As a parent, you’ll want to fill multiple glasses and cups with water and tea, and leave them untouched all over your house. Make sure that the water is lukewarm and the tea is ice-cold. Feel free to leave a cup of tea in the microwave to heat up every couple of hours. Don’t worry; you won’t be drinking that either. In fact, any moisture that makes it inside your body will be breathed in, either from a humidifier or from salt water poured directly into your nose.

2. Rest

Rest is vital in beating a virus. As we all know, being a parent is a pretty relaxed gig. All your kids want is what’s best for you. Feel free to let the little guys cook for the family. How will they improve their knife skills without experience? Those kids on Master Chef didn’t get there by watching “Peppa Pig” all day. And if your kids are anything like mine, they love to clean. And they’re great at it! Fill up that mop bucket and hit the sheets for a snooze. It’s your health after all.

 3. Nourish

While liquids are most important, food will also help you beat that cold or flu, or at the very least, help you feel less wretched. You may be tempted to skip this one as anything you eat will probably taste like phlegm anyway, but you’re going to need the calories to sleep-color with your kids, sleep-clean your house, and sleep-cook dinner. Chicken soup has long been held to have magical healing powers. Follow these instructions for the perfect cup of parent chicken soup:

1) Buy canned chicken soup.

2) Open can.

3) Pour contents into bowl or mug.

4) Put in microwave.

5) Walk away to get child a glass of juice.

6) Put wet, moldy clothes in the dryer that have been sitting in the washer for three days.

7) Do 15 other things punctuated by several minutes of nose blowing.

8) Think about showering but don’t do it.

9) Find cold, uncooked soup four hours later and eat half of it without bothering to heat it up (and then throw the rest away because it tastes like phlegm).

10) Eat the rest of your kid’s mac and cheese.

 4. Supplement

This one is fairly controversial. Some believe that supplements are highly effective at resolving viruses and improving overall health. Some believe that vitamins are a useless waste of money. Either way, a little smart supplementation couldn’t hurt. Some suggestions for supplements that may shorten the duration of a virus: Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Ginseng, Echinacea, Chamomille… guys, I’m totally joking. Pop a handful of your kid’s gummy vitamins and call it a day.

In summation, you’re a parent. It’s a 24/7 job with no breaks, no pay, and no vacation. And a boss that yells a lot and can’t wipe his own butt. The best you can hope for is to hang in there and ask your kids for hugs. Sweet, sweet hugs. And some of their favorite candy. Good luck!


Read More:

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Mayim Bialik: Why I Refuse to Get My Kids Smartphones

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