It’s never too early to start prepping for Passover. There is an endless list of food and Judaica items you will need in order to create the perfect seder. These things are not on it.
If you are smart, you will bail on the sh*tstorm that is Passover planning by attending a friend or relative’s seder. And when you arrive–spouse and kiddies in tow–you should bring a gift. Sort of a “thank you for hosting”/ “sorry for the inevitable toddler-induced grape juice stains on your white table cloth” kind of gift.
We can help. These Passover products range from funny, to gross, to just plain ridiculous. They are absolutely unnecessary, but fun nonetheless, and may bring a little levity to an otherwise solemn holiday.
1. “Let My People Go” Toilet Seat Cover ($20).
The pattern. The pun. The Passover spirit. These are all things you want in a toilet accessory.
Besides, matzah print is so 2014. This year you can get matzah printed on your mouse pad ($11.99), outlets covers ($13.95), and water bottle decals ($9.99).
2. Seder Plate Cuff Links ($49.99).
You may not NEED a pair of these, but let’s be honest, no seder outfit is complete without these beauties.
3. Wind-up Walking Matzah Ball ($3.50).
Speaking of grape juice stains–this toy doubles as a scapegoat for your tot’s clumsiness, while keeping the little ones entertained.
If nothing else, this guy makes a cheap prize for whoever finds the afikomen.
4. Matzah Ball on Steroids ($10.15).
This inflatable matzah ball is bigger than your head. It’s bigger than your smallest child who will be reciting the Four Questions.
You need this.
5. Chocolate-Covered, Marshmallow-Filled Locusts ($9.95).
File this one under “gross and delicious.”
These delicacies are stuffed with red marshmallows so that when you crack them open, “blood” comes out. I can’t think of a more realistic way to reenact the 10 plagues.
6. Frog Ice Cube Molds ($7.00).
These ice cube spears might add an elegant touch to the seder meal, but when you look closer, those are actually frogs in your drink. If you really want to run with the frog theme, try scattering these lovely critters ($4.00) across the seder table.
7. Matzah and Seder Plate Earrings ($25.00).
Make a fashion statement with these kitsch-tastic earrings from Etsy. In case you can’t tell, one earring is a half-eaten matzah while the other is a fully stocked seder plate.
Etsy vendor Sweet Stella Designs is also selling this super believable looking matzah ring ($15.00).
8. Matzah Ball Soup Soap ($18.50).
OK. This gift is pretty creepy considering how appetizing it looks. But don’t be fooled. This matzah ball soup is made completely of vegan glycerin soap. It even has real oregano sprinkled on top for authenticity.
9. Four Questions Finger Puppets ($12.10).
These two-sided finger puppets are a great prop to help out with the Four Questions. The topic of each question is stitched on the front and back to help jog your memory.
10. Pharaoh Punching Bag ($30.99).
Because Pharaoh is a total jerk.
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