After the birth of my son I gave up my beloved subscription to US Weekly Magazine. Our glossy relationship ended in part because I felt like a voyeur contributing to blatant disrespect for individual privacy but MOSTLY because the piles of unread magazines lying around the house were giving me anxiety. I also unsubscribed to People.com in my Google Reader when I opened it a few days after my son was born to find 489 unread feeds! I’m way too OCD to “mark all as read” but the posts, much like the trashy magazine pile, were making me want to snort Xanax.
To be honest, at first I really didn’t miss my little window into Hollywood. My husband claims reading that stuff makes people dumber (thanks hun!) and my (nonexistent) free time was spent eating, peeing, shaving one leg reading books about “how to get your child to eat mush off of a spoon” and googling images of pooh-consistency to check for baseline normal. But a few months ago I emerged from my 24/7 baby-love-fest only to find out that Sheryl Crow adopted another baby and Christina Aguilera filed for divorce!? And all of a sudden, I’m the last to know.
Thankfully, now Kveller satiates my cravings for Jew-cy celeb gossip with a side of non-secular parenting advice. It’s like dinner and dessert with one click. Not to brag, but the highlight of my week was a 2-reply Facebook convo with Mayim Bailik about how we both like to sit around the house all day topless in the days and weeks postpartum. I mean we’re not exactly buying BFF necklaces (yet) but if she adopts a baby or two from China, I’m GOING TO KNOW ABOUT IT! I’ve even caught the Nat-Port-girl-crush-fever that’s spreading like wildfire over here. I thought the Hebrew interview had me hooked and then I was browsing the Sesame Street website and there she is hanging with Elmo and rockin’ an elephant trunk! I’ve come to the conclusion that she is quite possibly the most adorable pregnant person EV-AH and this chick is going to be one awesome Mama ( dancing with a celebrity puppet is a pretty good start!)
I’m going to lay it out there and just say that I WANT MORE. I want to know why Idina Menzel decided to eat her placenta and how Isla Fisher likes to spend Shabbat. I’m curious to know if Adam Sandler can read the Passover cards his kids bring home from Hebrew school and if CoCo Arquette is dressing up for Purim. Where else in the World Wide Web can you plan a bris while reading about the Porsche Lisa Loeb bought for her daughter. Somehow, over here it’s less creepy stalker-ish and more like ‘checking in on family’ and somehow I get to be a (very, very tiny) part of it all! But don’t you worry; I haven’t let my celeb status go to my head just yet. I’m still a full-time Mama and that’s always going to be my top priority – but now that my son has solid poops and takes two naps a day, don’t be surprised to see a photo of me having decaf peppermint tea at an open-air market with Blossom and Punky Brewster. We’re probably kvelling about the dress Natalie wore at baby Pierre’s bris.
p.s if you happen to see the picture in a magazine, please clip it for me. I don’t get those anymore .