You’d think people would be used to the idea of twins by now, but pretty much every time I tell someone I’m carrying multiples, the news is met with something along the lines of “Holy crap!” In fact, I’ve had some pretty interesting reactions from friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers along the way–some helpful and encouraging, others not so much. And so I’ve decided to share some of the most memorable lines I’ve heard so far–along with my thoughts on the matter. (Warning: sarcasm imminent.)
1. “Huh? How’d that happen?”
Are you asking me to explain the biology behind multiple gestations? Or are you asking a prying, invasive question you have no right to be asking? If it’s the former, I can refer you to a number of internet sites that explain the phenomenon quite well. And if it’s the latter, please reexamine the concept of personal boundaries and consider withdrawing your inquiry.
2. “So did you plan for that to happen?”
Um, is it even possible to plan to have twins? Isn’t that kind of like asking someone whether she planned to have a boy versus a girl?
3. “No wonder you’re so enormous.”
Thank you–because really, between the acne flare-ups, sporadic sweating episodes, and ever-expanding mega-stomach, my self-esteem is already pretty much zapped. I don’t need a reminder of just how massive I’m looking these days.
4. “You’re definitely going to need a baby nurse for the first few months.”
Well thanks, but unless you’re offering to fund that baby nurse, that particular piece of advice is downright useless to me.
5. “My friend/neighbor/coworker’s twins came really early. Are you worried about that happening to you?”
Are you actively trying to send me into a state of complete and utter panic? Yes, I’m fully aware that twins are often born early–very early, in many cases. But telling me horror stories about premature twins and NICU stays isn’t helpful. At all.
6. “Shouldn’t you be on bedrest by now?”
Trust me, the minute my doctor orders bedrest, I’ll listen. But so far I’ve been given no restrictions other than to take it easy when possible. Incidentally, if you’re really concerned, feel free to volunteer to come do my laundry, clean my bathrooms, or chase my toddler around.
7. “Well, let me know if I can help.”
OK, if you really mean that, then you’re a wonderful person and I’m truly grateful for the offer. But if you don’t actually mean it, please don’t say it. You can wish me well, or say something encouraging as we part ways, but offering to help when prior to today we’ve maybe said a total of 17 words to each other is kind of like closing out a bad date with a meaningless, “This was great, I’ll give you a call sometime.”
8. “Boy, I’m glad that didn’t happen to me.”
Good, because actually, I’m thrilled that it happened to me. Seriously. From the moment I saw the image of that extra fetus on the ultrasound screen, I’ve been nothing but grateful. This pregnancy has been difficult from the start. I’ve struggled with intense nausea, debilitating back pain, and more digestive issues than I’m comfortable sharing. But despite all that, I’m happy to be in the situation I’m in–even if it means subjecting myself to a bit more unsolicited commentary and advice along the way.