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The Hilariously Accurate Must-Watch Song About Childbirth

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“Tear, tear, tear, goes your vagina; never will it be its cute little self again.” So goes an amazing, let’s-keep-it-real song from the season 3 finale of our favorite musical show, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Playing a goddess, Paula (Dona Lynne Champlin) — who’s the BFF of Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom, the show’s star and creator) — performs a hilarious number about the “miracle” of birth. Sitting on a throne, Paula sweetly sings about “bloody show” and “hours and hours of utter torture” as children fling flower petals and dance around.  

Fun fact: Two men wrote the song. According to Vulture, the two songwriters — Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger — “collected anecdotes from female writers in a five-page document named ‘Gross Mom Stories’ that covers everything from mucus plugs to walking epidurals to the placenta.”

Dolgen (who’s married to Bloom, the show’s star and creator) recounts: “I had a severely traumatic 40-minute conversation with the moms. It’s honestly horrifying. I don’t know how they all do it.”

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