I have an 11-month-old baby girl and throughout her life I have made some observations like a tourist on an African safari. Because let’s face it: Motherhood is like being in the front seat to the most crazy kind of wildlife—a baby human being. And the sounds and noises that go hand-in-hand are really one of a kind. Here are some of the interesting habits I have come to realize about my little animal.
1. Fake coughing noises:
These sound like a loud hacking that make me breathe in deeply, then shout, “Are you OK?” because I am a complete sucker like that. And yes, she is perfectly fine. She continues to do it while sneakily smiling, like a baby con artist.
Her face winces to the point where you can trace the contours with your fingers, while her nose scrunches up like a little bunny “sniff, sniffing” as she makes these awful noises. She theatrically does it over and over again, getting louder.
Translation: Pay attention to me, bitch.
Reaction: Well OK then, little tyrant.
2. A Loud Screeching Noise:
This is where my little girl screams like a feral animal being attacked. It’s high-pitched and absolutely insane. You can’t help but react by laughing—that is, until it is absolutely annoying AF and all you can do is hold your ears and scream back in the same way as her. At least that is how I cope. Totally normal behavior.
Translation: Mom, you really gave birth to a monkey.
Reaction: That actually makes sense, looking at my hubby down a beer while scratching his arms pits. Kidding, this is not my husband at all. In fact, she probably got that from me. Let’s be real
3. The I am choking high pitched breathing noise, even though I am not
This one is simply the worst. It sounds like when you can’t breathe. In the beginning, I would freak out with, “OMG,” and, “What is she doing?” but soon I caught on to the gag.
Translation: The I-want-to-give-my-mommy-more-gray-hairs sound
4. The aimless babble
This is where my daughter babbles on and on, saying every word she knows: “Bah bah, dah dah, gah gah.” Of course, mama is only saved for when she is crying. It keeps on going and going. For the first hour it’s cute until suddenly it’s not. You can’t watch a show, listen to Alexa, or hear anything because she gets progressively louder and louder.
Translation: My voice is awesome mom, right? Right? RIGHT?
Reaction: Why did they take away that gun emoji again? Because that is how I would describe myself in this situation, along with a few see-no-evil monkeys. Yep.
5. Growls like a demon is inside of her
She makes this scary noise where it sounds like she is possessed by the devil. Like seriously. The other day, I took her to a playroom and there was another baby about her age. My daughter goes up to her and starts speaking tongues. I am hysterically laughing and look at my mom and say, “She is never going to make friends this way.” The little baby scooted the other way. Who could blame her?
Translation: Be afraid, very afraid.
But then there is that look, where she digs into my chest and looks up at me like Mommy I love you and you are the best person ever. Or when she is done hysterically laughing and is waiting for more of whatever I am doing to make her laugh. Those are the best looks of all. Those are why I love being a mommy. Actually, all of these are.