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Why I Walked Through a Snow Storm For My Daughter

sugarman_cupcakes

Another snow day, another day at home. While the snow was falling, with no end in sight, my husband and I were happy to keep our almost 5-year-old occupied.

First up was baking cupcakes. While my husband did the first round of shoveling, my daughter and I got out the ingredients and utensils and began the process. Due to my daughter’s dairy and egg allergy, we use a very special recipe (which is beyond delicious!). We measured, mixed, and then my daughter took the spoon and devoured the uncooked chocolate goodness. I did have to tell her that she could not refill the spoon with a second helping of batter.

The cupcakes were already in the oven when I realized our store-bought, ready-made frosting had gone bad. I either had to make frosting from scratch or go out into the storm to buy it. After all, what’s a cupcake without frosting?

Feeling a bit antsy, I decided to brave the storm and take a walk. Luckily we live in walking distance to our town center and I figured that the local drug store would have ready-made frosting in their food aisle. I added on layers to brave the 10 degree temperature: sweatshirt, fleece, heavy jacket, scarf, hat and gloves, and began my trek.

I walked in the street as many sidewalks were not yet cleared as the storm was still underway. I prayed that I would not get struck by a plow and kept walking. As someone who walks everyday for physical and mental health reasons, I felt prepared for the more intense exercise I would receive, as walking through snow is like walking through sand. It can be tricky, and indeed, it was.

I made it to the drug store and was able to warm up for a bit. Unfortunately, there was no frosting. I persevered and kept going, further away from my house, to the market that is close by. When I was just one street away from the market, I could no longer feel my face. The snow was whipping at me and it did not matter which direction I walked. I began to talk to myself: “You can make it…this is for your daughter…you are a good mom!” Hoping no one would see this silly woman walking in a snowstorm, talking to herself, I began to walk faster.

When I made it to the market, I felt as if I needed to high five the other brave souls there. “We did it! We made it!” While I did not follow through on that, it did feel as if we were in it together. We were the very foolish folks who went out in a storm. After spending time walking the aisles to warm up, I bought the frosting and headed out to return home.

The walk back did not feel as burdened as the walk to the market, but this was helped by a stop to get a hot cup of coffee along the way. When I returned home, my husband opened the door and I told the story of my journey. I could not feel my legs and I felt a chill that did not go away until about six hours later.

So, why did I do this?

A year ago at this time I was fairly absent in my daughter’s life, both physically and emotionally, due to my depression. I missed taking her to many friends’ birthday parties. I would sit and read books to her, but I was not really “with” her. I know I am trying to make up for that now that I am healthier.

My husband and I try not to spoil our only child. I could have made frosting, which would have only taken a few minutes, but I forced myself to work for it. I felt that it was imperative that I do this for my daughter, and yet at the same time, it was really about me.

My daughter asked if she could eat a cupcake now that I had the frosting, and I helped her frost it and apply the rainbow sprinkles. Cupcake perfection.

When I sat by the fireplace, snuggling under a blanket, I felt good and proud. She is my world and my definition of love. I will continue to work through my guilt, which is an unwelcome result of my illness, but if I need to hike through a blinding snowstorm for her again, you can bet I will.

The opinions expressed here are the personal views of the author. Comments are moderated, so use your inside voices, keep your hands to yourself, and no, we're not interested in herbal supplements.

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