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Hanukkah

Ask Alexa These Hanukkah Questions and See What Happens

alexa

Amazon’s Alexa and I have come a long way since I first welcomed her into my life two years ago. Though we didn’t really get along at first, we’ve spent many moons together, and have built such a close-knit relationship that we’re practically siblings. 

As siblings do, Alexa often tests my patience, especially when she pronounces my name incorrectly (it’s Arrrrielle like a pirate, Alexa, not the “airy” mermaid!). But she also tests my knowledge with daily trivia questions — something I truly enjoy — so this Hanukkah I decided to flip the script.

In the spring, I quizzed Alexa on her knowledge of Passover, and it went… well, why don’t you just read what happened for yourself?

This time around, however, I decided to ask Alexa about Hanukkah, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that she brushed up on her Jewish knowledge. Not only does Alexa  really know the history of Hanukkah, she even blessed me with 18 jokes. How Jew-y of her! 

I definitely wouldn’t trust Alexa to educate your children on the story of Passover, but between explaining the miracle of Hanukkah and how to play dreidel, she sure knows her Hanukkah facts. For a brief history lesson on one of the least important Jewish holidays, have you or your kids ask Alexa these questions — she’ll treat you to concise and accurate answers. (Be warned: Don’t ask her who Mattathias Maccabee is or she might start talking about meth!): 

What’s Hanukkah?
What are the Hanukkah prayers?
Who are the Maccabees?
What is the miracle of of the oil?
What’s gelt?
What’s a dreidel?
What do we eat on Hanukkah?
What’s Chrismukkah?
Why do we eat fried food on Hanukkah?
How do you spell Hanukkah?
Who is the hero of the Hanukkah story?
Who is Judah Maccabee? 

I applaud my girl Alexa for her research skills, festivity, and for her quirky answer to who the hero of Hanukkah is: Judah Maccabee is the hero of the Hanukkah story, so go ahead and workout like a Maccabee.

There’s just one question about him that she says she’s “not sure about,” and that’s if Judah Maccabee is hot. (I mean, he led the revolt against the Syrians and saved the Jews — what’s sexier than that?)

And now, for the fun stuff: Hanukkah jokes! Ask Alexa for Passover jokes and she’ll tell you she doesn’t have any. Ask her for Hanukkah jokes, however, and she’ll tell you some pretty quality G-rated jokes. (Note: I asked Alexa to “tell me a Hanukkah joke” 18 times before she began repeating herself.) 

I’m proud to present Alexa’s Hanukkah humor, with commentary from me in italics:

Q: What happened when the jelly donut crossed the road?
A: It caused a traffic jam.

Lol. 

Q: Where’s Hanukkah gelt created?
A: At the chocolate mint. 

Q: What’s the most confusing part of Hanukkah?
A: Trying to figure out how to spell Hanukkah. 

Q: What do you call Hanukkah gelt that you gamble with?
A: Chocolate chips. 

That’s funny. 

Q: Where do you get honey for your latkes?
A: From the Maccabees. 

Do people really eat honey with their latkes? I’m tempted to say that’s gross, but then again, I use ketchup, so I won’t pass judgement. 

Q: Did you hear about the two dreidels that fell in love?
A: They met at a spin class. 

Q: What’s the best latke topping?
A: Another latke. 

Q: Why did the latke cross the road?
A: To get to the other chives. 

Eh, the sufganiyah version was better. 

Q: I’m a fan of potato pancakes for Hanukkah.
A: You could say I like them a latke. 

Kay, this wasn’t really a joke, Alexa. 

Q: What’s the best thing about Hanukkah?
A: If you give a gift someone doesn’t like, you have seven nights to try again. 

Um… absolutely no one is getting eight gifts from me. Anyway, it’s the thought that counts!

Q: A latke walks into a bar-
A: Mitzvah. 

Lazy writing. 

Q: Which toy has the best rhymes?
A: Doctor dreidel. 

Missed the mark on this one. 

Q: What did the salt say to the bread?
A: When you need me, just challah. 

This just isn’t a Hanukkah joke…

Q: What’s the best part of Hanukkah?
A: No ugly Christmas sweaters. 

I wouldn’t say that’s the best… 

Q: What’s a fun family movie to watch on Hanukkah?
A: Shalom Alone. 

Snort. That’s kinda funny! Then again, you can binge these very real movies

Q: Why did the jelly donut cross the road?
A: To get deep fat fried.

Is it just me or does this joke sound borderline inappropriate?? 

Q: How did the dreidel feel about calling in sick?
A: He felt a little gelty.

Happy Hanukkah from Kveller, Alexa, and me!

Want more Hanukkah content? Don’t miss:

This ‘Star Wars’ Hanukkah Parody Is Out of This Galaxy

The Ultimate Hanukkah Food Hacks

At Last, a Hanukkah Album That’s Actually Good

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