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Bar mitzvah

Adam Sandler’s New Bar Mitzvah Song Is Instantly Iconic

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It’s been nearly 25 years since Adam Sandler blessed us all with his iconic song about Hanukkah. And now, the comedian is back with another Jewish banger (and no, it’s not a follow-up to the fourth rendition of the “The Chanukah Song”).

On Wednesday, Netflix dropped Sandler’s latest standup special, 100% Fresh. (The title refers to his low Rotten Tomato ratings.)

The special is a mashup of several live performances, stitched together. Straight jokes are sprinkled throughout the show, but Sandler’s shticky songs like “My Uber driver smells bad” and “My kid’s only got one line in a play” are the main event.

But we have a clear favorite among the bunch: a song about the bar mitzvah boy.

The Jewish coming-of-age ritual has clearly been on Sandler’s brain of late — perhaps because his eldest daughter, Sadie, 12, is approaching her big day? (Sandler and his wife, actress Jackie Titone, who converted to Judaism, also have a 9-year-old, Sunny.) Recently, Sandler was on The Howard Stern Show, and the two got to kibbitzing about their bar mitzvahs, even singing a duet of the traditional Torah blessing.

In the Netflix special, the bar mitzvah song is performed live. “Thirteenth birthday, people come from far away, aunt and uncles show up, I brush my fro up,” Sandler sings, as an animated video of a prepubescent Jewish boy (young Sandler?) preparing for his big day plays in the background. “Feeling skittish, people speaking Yiddish, buy a freaky suit and tie, tailor’s hanging on my thigh.”

The clever lyrics hilariously depict the stressful, awkward realities of becoming a bar mitzvah, and how scary it is to read the Torah in front of a congregation. “I’m staring up at everyone, can’t remember how it goes, whistle from my rabbis nose,” Sandler continues. “Oh man this is shit, make up some crazy shit, baruch atah a cha-cha-cha.”

Next, the song takes us to the party: “Kids are all coming in, checks and bonds and fountain pens, make a bank deposit, make out in the closet.”

“All my friends are drinking schnapps, boys are short, girls are tall, pass me the alcohol,” he continues. “Chug as much as I can, vomit on the klezmer man, mom and dad yell at me, this strains my family.”

Charmingly, audience joins Sandler in the chorus, “He’s the bar mitzvah boy.”

The song ends with a relatable zinger: “It’s the best day of my life, until three years later when my parents stop making me go to temple.

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